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Search Results for "alfred" in Comics Archive Displaying results 1-25 of 65 |
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| Strip Date | Context | Series Name/Number | Relevance Score |
|---|---|---|---|
| 03 Apr 2008 |
Jon: How much do you like the multiverse, Alfred. Alfred (holograph): I like eet just fine! Eet has some wonderful restaurants. Alfred (holograph): Ze very last call. Ze Apocalypse. You don't have to go home but you can't exist here. Alfred (holograph): Management sets ze hours. We're just ze employees. Jon: Help me, Alfred. Help me and you can serve drinks for a billion more years. Alfred (holograph): Do you need me to wrestle ze alligator? Alfred (holograph): I love to wrestle ze animals. Komodo dragons, tiny finches, ze noble polar bear. Alfred (holograph): One time I wrestled ze Thompson's gazelle. Ees like wrestling ze bag of nacho chips. Crunch crunch! |
the office (52 of 64) | 8 |
| 31 Jan 2008 |
Fish: Never mind, Alfred, this was a mistake. Please go away. Alfred (holograph): No no, miss, eet ees my fault. Come, small friend, let us talk. Alfred (holograph): I would not dream of eet. Alfred (holograph): Being ze bartender ees more zan just mixing cocktails. I am ze host? I am, er, ze Meestair Rogers of ze bar. Alfred (holograph): And ze host, he must make his guests feel comfortable. Your lay, for her ze sexy talk ees like putting away ze comfy red sweater. See? Maybe you try sometimes. Alfred (holograph): No. I only date twins or better. One woman, she ees not enough of a challenge for Alfred. |
the office (17 of 64) | 7 |
| 09 Apr 2008 |
Alfred (holograph): Zees level, she has gone stagnant! Alfred (holograph): Every level of existence needs ze tender loving care. Ze stimulating, effervescent infusion of fresh business plans and steamy personal drama zat keeps us going. Alfred (holograph): Zat distracts us from ze stack and dreary reality of modern living. Alfred (holograph): without ze monkey typings, ze pressurized soul explodes in za hard vaccum of purposelessness. Like ze astronaut who forgets to zip up all ze way. Correction (Alfred): without ze monkey typings, ze pressurized soul explodes in za hard vacuum of purposelessness. Like ze astronaut who forgets to zip up all ze way. Alfred (holograph): Eet ees a good thing I enjoy talking to myself. Alfred (holograph): Me too! |
the office (55 of 64) | 7 |
| 10 Apr 2008 |
Alfred (holograph): Zomewhere out zere in Manhattan Three ees a very sleepy John Wells whom I must find. Alfred (holograph): But I am just ze hologram here! Zat ees all fine and good for mixing cocktails but eet ees crap for travelling. I need ze helper. Alfred (holding Jerrell, holograph, swatting Jerrell): Carrot man! Eet eez time to rise and shine! Wakey Wakey! Alfred (holding Jerrell, holograph): Eet ees time for ze applied existentialism maybe. Alfred (holding Jerrell, holograph): Zere ees ze sexy lady in bikini here to see you! She has ze video games and ze pint of ice cream and ze total lack of sexual boundaries. Alfred (holding Jerrell, holograph): And now zere ees zombie Charlton Heston weeth guns sticking out where ze arms used to be! And he ees wanting ze brains! Oh, he eat ze bikini lady brains. How sad. Alfred (holding Jerrell, holograph): Eh? What ees zis? Zere ees ze video of ze adorable sleepy kitty on ze internets! |
the office (56 of 64) | 7 |
| 18 Nov 2005 |
Jon: Alfred, if we're stuck in a void and you've been here for nineteen thousand years, how is the bar still stocked? Alfred: That eez an excellent question. By some way I don't understand, ze liquor is replenished when no one eez looking! I may not know how zees eez possible, but I have a few theories. Alfred (voice only): There eez also ze possibility of a number of miniscule wormholes, each opening for a moment in ze distilleries of ze worlds and terminating here, siphoning off molecules of fine whiskey at a time. But zere has been no convincing evidence that stable wormholes can exist, and zis does not explain ze new bottles. Alfred (voice only): Zere is also ze direct divine intervention! Many theologians reject zis argument, as God hasn't manifested in ze observable universe zo far, and zis eez a bit of a cop out for him. Alfred (voice only): Or perhaps ze alcohol eez actually a fast-reproducing organism, 'owever, an extrordinarily shy one. Zere remains ze question of how zis organism would take in nutrients. Eet may be related to ze regenerating bar nuts. Alfred (voice only): Or maybe our Stub Pub eez a Schroeninger's box of liquor, materializing it when observed... |
guest week(s) 2005 (5 of 11) | 6 |
| 03 Apr 2007 |
Fish: We can't leave Alfred here by himself. Jon (charred, excited): Yeah, Alfred! Why don't you come with us? It's been nineteen thousand years since your last day off. Alfred (holding bottle): Ah, zees eez very kind of you, but I must say no. Eef ze creator was ever to stop by for ze single malts and I was not here, I could never forgive myself. Jon (charred): God is dead, Alfred. I ate him with applesauce. Alfred (holding bottle): When one ees dead, zis ees when zey are needing ze drink ze most, no? Character: Alfred (wiping glass) |
the fine print (18 of 36) | 6 |
| 27 Feb 2008 |
Alfred (holograph): Wait ze second. My Alfred sense, she ees teengleeng! Alfred (holograph): Zere are new customers waiting for me elsewhere. Zey need cosmopolitans right away! Alfred (holograph): Alfred will not forget you, fishy friend. Maybe these new customers will know someone who can assist us. I will return with help! Character: Alfred (flickering, holograph, thumbs up) |
the office (31 of 64) | 6 |
| 02 Apr 2008 |
Jon: Alfred, what's wrong? Alfred (holograph): Meester Jon, why have you brought zese creatures here? Alfred (holograph): Ze axis pub, she ees a holy place. Not for murderous undertippers like zese. Alfred (holograph): Salesman? Alfred (holograph): Stay out of ze take a penny tray! Alfred has ze rippling pecs and he ees not afraid to use zem. |
the office (51 of 64) | 6 |
| 06 Feb 2006 |
Character: Alfred (cleaning spill), Alfred (whistling while wiping glass), Alfred (listening), Alfred (looking around), Alfred (studying glass) |
but you can't stay here (13 of 13) | 5 |
| 12 Jul 2006 |
Alfred (looking around): I am so sorry, zis bar, she eez a mess. Alfred: I really should check in more often, but zis pub almost never gets ze customers. Zo, what brings you two here? Alfred: Ah yes, I have heard zat joke before, ze one where zey walk into ze bar. Very clever. Carl: Excuse me, Alfred, but how exactly did you manage to get yourself down here? Alfred (holograph): Oh, I am not actually here. Eet saves a ton of time on my commute. |
battle of the network slugs (25 of 30) | 5 |
| 15 Nov 2006 |
Alfred: You are not ze leetlest customer I have had, you know. Zere was zis party of uplifted naked mole rats, zis ees back en 1992 Earth equivalent, which is quite a lot of years ago. Alfred: Zey all ordered super-tiny Bacardi and Cokes, every one of zem. Such a waste of a table. Alfred: Anyway, zey run zis interdimensional baby food cartel. Zey smuggle ze baby food to feed ze babies in ze planes under topekan sanctions. Alfred (holding spoon): Babies from all over ze known multiverse rely on zese tiny hairless moles for ze daily mooshed carrots and such. And zere is nothing more important zan when ze baby gets ze baby food, yes? Alfred: Just go through ze hole. Eet will be okay. |
one for the road (17 of 21) | 5 |
| 21 Nov 2006 |
Alfred (looking at watch): Eez zat ze time? I had no idea it had gotten so late. Alfred (flickering, holograph, removing invisible helmet): You are ze saint! Alfred (holding hat): Customers! Location: Office (Alfred's) Character: Alfred (sitting in office, taking off hat) |
one for the road (20 of 21) | 5 |
| 05 Feb 2008 |
Alfred (holograph): Zo each of zeese peoples is representing part of your personality? Alfred (holograph): Ze pony princess, what part of you ees she? Fish: Alfred, I have a problem. And all the pony hugs in the world won't help me. Alfred (holograph): It eez okay to have problems! You know what zey say happens to people weezout problems. Alfred (holograph): Zey become Republicans. |
the office (19 of 64) | 5 |
| 06 Feb 2008 |
Fish: Alfred, you've got to help me get Reese out of here. Alfred (holograph): But she eez part of you! Alfred (holograph, punching holes in brain): Even eef such a zing were possible, removing Reese from your head would be like punching holes een your brain. Leetle brain circles go under ze couch, stuck in ze hair, all over. Alfred (holograph): I cannot even beam myself out. I am juzt ze holographic projection, yes? Alfred (holograph): Okay! I'll see what I can do... maybe I can find someone een a parallel pub wiz ze knack of travelling ze axis. |
the office (20 of 64) | 5 |
| 08 Apr 2008 |
Alfred (holograph): Zees ees all very unorthodox. I already ahve ze bartending job! Alfred (holograph): I am already working while I work. Alfred (holograph): You said zat ze demons were ze key to saving ze multiverse. Alfred (flickering, holograph): I will keep your tab open. Off to ze Manhattan Three! Alfred: Ees eet naptime? No. Oh No. Eet eez ze boredom. |
the office (54 of 64) | 5 |
| 11 Aug 2005 |
Alfred: Please excuse me, eet has been so long since we have had customers, eet having been Tuesday afternoon for the last few millenia. Time, she goes a bit crazy here. Alfred: Sure, eet gets lonely. But your good buddy Alfred keeps busy. Zere eez no problem zat a good attitude und nineteen thousand years of hard thinking cannot overcome, yes? Alfred: Even better! I have memorized all ze two-letter Scrabble combinations. |
infinite typewriters (65 of 116) | 4 |
| 15 Aug 2005 |
Alfred: Zere ees no way out, you might as well relax and enjoy yourself. Me? I just woke up in zat booth over zere one morning. No warning, no flashy robots, just a pillow und some pajamas. Alfred: I like to theenk zat maybe God has hired me as his personal bartender, no? Not zat he ever come in here, of course. Alfred: Well, yes, she opens, but I do not think eet ees something you should do. You may find eet... DISTURBING. Alfred: You are making ze mistake! |
infinite typewriters (66 of 116) | 4 |
| 19 Jan 2006 |
Alfred: I have zeen eet all! Butcherings, stranglings, squooshings, you name eet. I guess when you are cooped up weeth someone for a few decades eventually you get ze desire for ze murdering. Alfred: Eet ees depressing to be certain, because I like to theenk I run a nice establishment, not ze sort of place zat drives people to HOMOCIDAL FITS OF VIOLENCE. Alfred: Zere is always ze FRESH KEG, ze SLICE OF LIME. Ze tiny bowl of Chex Mix. Alfred (teary): But don't le me get you down! You two are ze BEST OF FRIENDS, I am sure. You will buck ze trend. |
but you can't stay here (4 of 13) | 4 |
| 24 Jan 2006 |
Jon (bearded): Alfred, if you've had other customers, how did they get here? Alfred: I guess most slide down ze pub axis. But you have to have ze KNACK for eet. Alfred: For instance, SHE has ze knack. Character: Alfred (back of head) |
but you can't stay here (6 of 13) | 4 |
| 22 Nov 2006 |
Alfred (holding hat): Just one moment, please! I am coming! Alfred (opening door): My apologies, how can I help- Alfred: Well hello! Would you like to open ze tab? Location: Office (Alfred's) |
one for the road (21 of 21) | 4 |
| 17 Apr 2008 |
Alfred (holograph): I do not know of zees bleeding moustache of which you speak. But I do know this: When life gives you ze moustache, you make ze moustacheade. Correction (Alfred): I do not know of zees bleeding mustache of which you speak. But I do know this: When life gives you ze mustache, you make ze mustacheade. Alfred (holograph): Look. I cannot leave ze bar, ze pubaxial hologram projectionator has ze limited range. But you can leave! Alfred (holograph): Take zees photo. Find ze man and bring him back here. Zen we will get you all ze hot and heavy monk action you desire. |
the office (60 of 64) | 4 |
| 01 Feb 2006 |
Jon (bearded & bloody): I've been here for five years, Alfred. Alfred: Congratulations, sir! I will make ze cupcakes for you. Alfred: It looks like we are out of ze cupcakes mix. Sorry! |
but you can't stay here (11 of 13) | 3 |
| 18 Jul 2006 |
Alfred (holograph): Zis Reese, she must be a superior hugger. Alfred (holograph): Zis ees a tragedy! I would hug you but I an not techncially here. Alfred (holograph): Zis is ze worst theeng I have ever heard of. How do you cope? |
battle of the network slugs (28 of 30) | 3 |
| 29 Jan 2008 |
Fish: There's only one way to be certain. Alfred? You there? Alfred (holograph): Allo friends! Would you like to place ze order? Character: Alfred (flickering, holograph) |
the office (15 of 64) | 3 |
| 01 Apr 2008 |
Jon: He's here already. Alfred! Alfred (holograph): Hello everyone! Tonight's drink special is... oh. Demons. Hello demons. Will zese drinks be to go? Character: Alfred (flickering, holograph) |
the office (50 of 64) | 3 |