Dear Goatees,

I just got a whole carton of Sporkle! (Still waiting for my Sporkle! Remix!), and my family loves it! However, Sporkle! is currently in our lives only as a beverage, and we want to 'take it up a notch', and incorporate Sporkle! in our entire lifestyle. So far, I have poured Sporkle in my Swedish meatballs, and it is tasty delight! I was wondering if any of you had Sporkle recipes you could share. I would especially love a Sporkle cassarole recipe, those are my husband's favorite, and I could make it and bring it to pot luck dinners to spread the word about Sporkle!

Janet, Missable Junction, MN

Remember - "Sporkle - the other White Brine"

Well, I'm sure when Sporkle hits the Federal penitentiary system, Martha Stewert will come out with a whole Sporkle Cookbook...

Oh,

I didn't realize you're supposed to eat it.

All this time I've been injecting it.

I'm having trouble finding Sporkle (tm) at my local beverage supplier. I've even tried area butcher shops and only receive odd looks and threats of bodily harm if I return. Is it available via mail order?

What happened to the Sporkle storyline? granted, adultery appears to be seeping in, but is sporkle going to make a comeback? or was it just a phase?

do you think they could make "kosher sporkle"?

In Response to kornz (#8822):

i mean if they can make Oreos kosher why not sporkle? Where there's a market (Religious Jews lusting after pork infused beverages) there is a way (Ummm, taking out the pork?).

In Response to baboo4 (#9295):

Couldn't you just substitute fake pork...perhaps some spam or maybe tofuork.

In Response to Grimicus (#9296):

Somehow this question about "fake pork" made me suddenly remember a childhood moment. Standing in line for lunch in the junior-high school cafeteria, i saw a cook carrying a large box out from the walk-in freezer. The box was labeled "Grade D: fit for human consumption". That was the day i decided to start bringing my own chow to school.

In response to your substitution suggestion, i would point out that the makers of Spam claim that their product contains some "spiced ham" substances, so that wouldn't be kosher. And as a person who enjoys tofu for its own sake, not as a substitute for anything else, i don't think there's really much point trying to dress it up as something it really isn't. And it really isn't a viable kosher-Sporkle ingredient.

In response to Janet [goats.com], i will share a couple of tofu recipes in which Sporkle has been substituted:

Vegan Mocha Parfait

10 ounces of silken tofu, or 9 ounces of congealed Sporkle
2 tablespoons honey
2 tablespoons maple syrup
1 tablespoon carob powder
1 tablespoon softened vegan soy margarine
1 tablespoon sunflower oil
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
dash of salt
1/4 teaspoon powdered coffee substitute (optional)

Combine all ingredients in a blender and purée until smooth. Divide into 3 or 4 glasses or bowls and refrigerate for 30 minutes (45 minutes if using Sporkle-- it takes longer to re-congeal). Serve chilled.


Christmas Casserole of Whipped Yams and Winter Squash

2 large acorn squash, halved and baked for almost an hour, until tender
2 large or 4 medium yams, baked
1 tablespoon date-sugar or maple syrup
1/2 cup fresh orange juice or Sporkle
ground cinnamon and grated nutmeg

Preheat oven to 350F. Scoop squash out of its skin. Place in a large mixing bowl or food processor. Remove yam flesh from skin and add to squash. Whip or mash together, incorporating sugar and Sporkle (or juice). Place mixture in casserole dish and dust with spices to taste. Bake for 20 to 30 minutes.

The smell of fresh-baked Sporkle always reminds me of the holidays.

unFalln asked about the storyline [goats.com]. Why do i get the feeling that some character's corpse is going to play a part in the production of a new flavor of Sporkle? "The secret's in the sauce! [imdb.com]"

In Response to Teledildonix (#9308):

"Grade D: fit for human consumption".

ok, so far, (I think) I have only consumed grade A and possibly this grade D meat.

What are grade B and grade C? and is there, (As the simpsons teach us) a grade F meat?

And if so, what grade would be used for sporkle? or pork-free sporkle?

In Response to Grimicus (#9296):

Perhaps you could use some (in)edible pork plasma? [goats.com]

In Response to snipergirl (#9327):

baboo4 and grimicus were asking about kosher Sporkle products [why? how is it possible that these discussions go so far??] so it doesn't seem likely that plasma or any other parts of pork-bearing creatures will satisfy.

But i'm not Jewish, and i don't know what the rules are about these things. I mean, maybe all it takes to qualify as "kosher" is a visit from a rabbi who makes the proper hand-gestures and says the magic words. But i could be confusing these aspects of Judaism with similar activities found in other religions, such as the Catholic communion and transubstantiation rituals, or any of the other pseudo-voodoo common in popular culture.

I'm sorry if this post isn't exactly contributing to intelligent discussion, but i just love to poke fun at religions and use words like "pseudo-voodoo" in the same sentence.

In Response to kornz (#9311):

is there, (As the simpsons teach us) a grade F meat?

McDonald's hamburgers. Natch.

In Response to zamphir (#9330):

that is freeking disgusting, I will never eat there again, thank you.

In Response to kornz (#9342):

You were eating there?? then you deserve to be scared off.

In Response to Teledildonix (#9328):

I am jewish and there are many things that go into what makes something Kosher.

First of all, there are kosher animals and non-kosher animals, in this instance, a pig is not kosher, so it is instantly negated. Lets use a lamb for the remainder.

For any kosher animal to still be considered kosher, many things have to happen;

1. it has to be free range
2. it has to be healthy.
3. it has to be killed in a kosher fashion (which many will argue is still the most humane way there is) with a mashkia there (mashkia is the jewish equivalent of an FDA guy checking over food but he also says a small prayer over the food)
4. it has to be salted and drained of all blood.
5. You can only use certain parts of the animal.
6. it has to be kept only with kosher food.
7. it can never touch milk products.
8. a mashkia has to visit the store where it is sold every once in a while to check on it.

In the case of beverage basically;
1. the ingrediants have to be kosher
2. the vats that they make it in/store the liquid in have to be koshered (heated to insane degrees with a mashkia present)
3. be in sealed containers

There is more to it but, for more information, visit your local Jew.

In Response to Dynedain (#9343):

truth be told, I haven't eaten there in about a year.

In Response to Grimicus (#9296):

spam is not fake pork, it is a pork (and other meat) by-product.

In Response to zamphir (#9330):

I was expecting someone to counter-point me with "Taco Bell beef".

But maybe y'all realize that's not really beef.

In Response to kornz (#9344):

Your information formed a good answer. Does it help us distinguish "kosher" from "quasi-juju" or from "pseudo-voodoo"? (I can't resist making up these terms!) If your healthy lamb is killed, salted, and drained, which "certain parts" would you use to distinguish it as a kosher product (as opposed to voodoo)? And if the mashkia checks on it, what is he checking? Proper positioning of the piercing pins in your lamb-effigy? ;-)

I'm just teasing. I get the idea from your very elucidative points. I just have this little peccadillo wherein attempts are made to compare various forms of blood-sacrifice and fetish-consumption (real or symbolic) among supposedly different cultures, hoping to find ironic humor in their similarities.

Oh, and i think my local Jew was busy at a briss or some such blood-sacrifice, so i looked around the Internet and found this Jew who wasn't quite so local [tripod.com]; he apparently has more time on his hands to entertain my gentile inquiries.

In Response to kornz (#9344):

doesnt have to be free range (many jews feel that this is in the spirit of the law, but it technically isnt necessary).

Out of curiosity, if Sporkle were to be made kosher, would you still call it Schweingetrank?
I'd venture another name for it, but my German does have limits.