Wohoo! Monkeys are great. I love monkeys. It has been a long-time ambition of mine to have a helper-monkey (I'm thinking a ring-tailed lemur or a spider monkey would be best - chimp poop is too big).

Great to see monkeys (helper-monkeys to boot) raised in the preemie Sunday strip. It almost makes up for me being in work on a Sunday. Almost. The only monkeys here are the apes I work with (but at least they don't throw fecal matter around).

<shameless plug>
But you won't know what on earth I'm on about [1] or what goes on in the Sunday Strip unless you are a preemie! [goats.com]
</shamless plug>

[1] Please note that being a preemie does not necessarily mean you know what the heck I'm on about. Even I don't most of the time.

I thought monkeypants solved the problem of monkeypoop. Plus, monkeypants are just so freakin' stylish...the only thing better is if your helper monkey is wearing a butler outfit.

i used to have sea monkeys but the cleaners doomed them to a slow death when they ate their food. cleaners will eat anything nowadays

It's true that Monkeys are infact great, except for when they go all crazy and try out for world domination.

In Response to Lonely Goatherd (#4202):

I think the best part about monkeys is that you can teach them to smoke and then they smoke whenever they get nervous. I want to teach a monkey to smoke. The only problem is that it's illegal to teach a monkey to smoke in Michigan. That's why Michigan sucks.

In Response to Yoshi (#5455):

The best part? I can think of two that top nervous smoking:

• Opposable thumbs
• They eat their own poop

Furthermore, there is a myriad of problems associated with teaching monkeys to smoke, not the least of which is accidental-monkey-fires.

See, and I know how you're going to respond: If you give a monkey a smoke, it smokes for three minutes. Teach a monkey to smoke, and it smokes for a lifetime. But, and let me make this clear, that is not right.

Finally, you've upset my roommate. That is all.

In Response to daubergoat (#5460):

If Internet spam has taught me anything, it's that German people also have opposable thumbs and eat their own poop. No, what sets monkeys apart and makes them superior is their prehensile tail. I mean, just saying the word "prehensile" out loud gives me a very special feeling. I wish I had a tail.

In Response to Yoshi (#5455):

Untrue. It's illegal to teach a monkey to smoke in Ann Arbor, Michigan, which is why Ann Arbor sucks. Damn tree-hugging hippie freaks.

In Response to daubergoat (#5460):

First of all, that is one of the funniest responses I've read. That's a classic line. Second you missed the part that they fling their own poop.

Finally, if you think that upset your roommate then try this one on for size. Nuthin' says luvin' like a kitten in the oven.

In Response to Robonun (#5472):

I don't suppose anyone out there has watched the Clerks animated series DVDs, and saw the episode where Jay & Bob steal a monkey and teach it to smoke. Gotta love that "nicotine fit" joke.

Of course, I'd say it's very possible that you're all talking about that right now, and that's where the idea came from, and I'm just stating the obvious and making myself look stupid. Oh well. I'm used to it.

Ahhhh, Monkeys. That is why I love the Simpsons, they know the funnyness of monkeys. I would also like to acredit the brack show.
The biggest problem about monkeys though is that they are all in like cages and stuff. We have stray cat's, dog's, why the hell not monkeys?

Them there is the wisdom in monkeys, just amagine.
WW1- Was faught with machine guns.
WW2- Was faught with Nuclear weapons.
WW3- Will be faught with Feciese!

In Response to Sublime420 (#5559):

And World War IV will be fought with spell-checkers. Sheesh.

If I had a monkey, I'd teach him to Kill evilaltor. Then poop himself.

The reasons will become clear in 3 more posts...

...suspenseful, isn't it.

In Response to Spiderbaby (#8333):

Don't you just love when you get your own fan club?

In Response to evilaltor (#8341):

fan club

That's a funny way to spell "idiot".

In Response to zamphir (#8344):

He's my idiot, so I'll call him what I want. Right now, I want to call him RoosterBoy.

In Response to evilaltor (#8351):

That may not be such a good idea. I'm not sure they can kill the rooster...

"monkey" followed by any one of a number of words also makes a great obscenity. I like both monkeypiss and monkey fuck, myself.

In Response to saskia (#8400):

I like both monkeypiss and monkey fuck, myself.

I'm sure you do :-)

In Response to FeldmanSkitzoid (#5484):

I happen to have the set on DVD (including the 2 episodes never aired). However, for some reason, I seem to be the only person who does not find monkeys inherently funny. It seems to be a Hollwood mantra: "Our movie isn't funny. What can we do? Put in a monkey! The audiences will love it!" Which, in my opinion, was why a monkey was included in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back; that is to say, Kevin Smith inserted the monkey (chimp, whatever) as a commentary on this social phenomenom.

In Response to Spiderbaby (#8333):

Did the reasons come clear yet? I'm afraid my "kooky conspiracy theorist lingo"->english decoder ring's broken.

In Response to mcgrue (#8559):

Well, they did to me at least.

In Response to evilaltor (#8564):

Oh! You want to know why as well? Turns out that it was a friend of mine who has recently become "Goats-Aware". Anyhow, there he was, ferreting away and comes across the store. Turns out that I have every one of the tee shirts that he would like to wear. This angered him (he is of the opinion that if someone has a particular piece of apparell, then he may not).

The same thing happened for the Wigu tees. This angered him even more (and made me laugh even more, too). It angered him so much that he wanted to start a discussion about it.

As you know, you gotta have four karma to start a discussion. He thought that the default "1" rating gave you karma and posted the four incoherent posts. However, this is not the case. When I found out, I laughed the most I have in weeks.

In Response to evilaltor (#8565):

Heheheh... heheh... BWAHAHAHAHA!

I was wondering what he meant when he said he was waiting for some "magic karma boost" or something like that.

At the time I was a moderator, so I considered down-modding each of his posts to offset such a boost, just in case I was forgetting something. (Oh, admit it, you would've laughed.) But, I had better things to do with my mod points.

In Response to mea37 (#8376):

mea37 has stumbled across something most people miss . Kids just don't listen to music anymore. It's a pity Metallica broke up in 1991.

But yes! It's true! The Gray Baron has bought the coolest t-shirts, and I buy them not for fear of peer ridicule and crass association.

My vendetta is, however, unceasing. My karma is, however, void.

The monkeys shall overcome. We've seen the series on TV!

In Response to evilaltor (#8565):

Also, 'recently' is the wrong term. Or subjective anyway. It's been a while.

I have become more t-shirt conscious since the days of the Atari and "Jack Black..." chronicles.

T-shirts make people look less like blobs of jelly, water and mucus. Buy a Goats t-shirt and impress the other blobs of jelly, water and mucus, who'll want to sleep with you.

(waves hands mystically) But own more than 3 Goats t-shirts that I like, and that won't happen.