I think everyone is wondering this.

Under the couch.

Not me.

I just want a slice of pie and a good cup of joe.

You know, to go with all this damn Java

In Response to zamphir (#16389):

Slap.

Patience is a virtue.

In Response to zamphir (#16389):

Black. As someone once explained to me,

"Cream and sugar are for pussies."

In Response to deerboy (#16391):

You've exceeded my Twin Peaks knowledge base, so I don't know if you're making a reference or not.

But I never was a very big fan.

He's in the cast of Carnivale [hbo.com] helping poor Ben like he did Agent Cooper.

In Response to zamphir (#16401):

Either that's the funniest thing you have ever written, or it was meant to be taken seriously.

Either way, don't you know when you deserve a slap? Cripes, you are married, after all . . .

In Response to deerboy (#16421):

Either that's the funniest thing you have ever written, or it was meant to be taken seriously.

This is what I try for with everything I write here.

In Response to zamphir (#16401):

I never saw the show when it was airing, but I did get to see it on video and I liked it. I hated the shows after David Lynch stopped directing it -- from the looks of it, the reigns were handed to someone more familiar doing daytime soaps -- but I did enjoy the very funny performances by David Lynch in the later shows.

...I don't know if you're making a reference or not.

Yeah, it's a really obscure reference, as in: do you know Chris Patrick? You know, that guy who's been in all of those plays at Live Arts in Charlottesville. Well, in that recent production of Jesus Hopped the A Train, in which he was both stage manager and prison guard, I did the lights. And during the lull just before a show, as he was milling around the stage (it's a Black Box-type theater, so no curtain or anything), I asked if he might get me a cup of coffee. Keeping his guard identity, he said, "Mr. J, I assume you want that black, right?" I responded in the affirmative. He responded, in an authoritative tone, "Of course, cream and sugar are for pussies."

So, for all of you who got that obscure reference, way to go! You are now officially scary-as-hell mindreaders.

zamphir, on the other hand, you have nothing to worry about.

If you're wondering why I got the obscure reference mod, the only thing I can come up with is the true fact that Agent Dale Cooper drinks his coffee black and hot -- "good, hot, black coffee". However, this is only a little less obscure than the fact that Michael Jackson likes his women short, skinny, and with tiny penises.

He's the Roaming knome, so you'll never find him. He hops planes and boats, to see the world and all its sadistic porn of little knomes and such. Save the little people on person said, but just as easily, i stomped his tiny ass.

In Response to fli_guy25 (#16988):

Please read the F.A.Q.

In Response to fli_guy25 (#16988):

You don't spell gnome K-N-O-M-E..it's G-N-O-M-E.

And I think the roaming gnome commercials are funny....

In Response to reoffender12 (#17022):

He may actually mean knome. From my understanding, a knome is a grammatically challenged gnome who tends to talk absolute crap.

So get your sex midget fix here [somethingpositive.net].

Share and enjoy.

In Response to reoffender12 (#17022):

Congradulations...