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Punchlines for Us Contest Results (16 comments)
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Punchlines for Us Contest Results

in Pop Culture by Colin

Thursday, October 17, 2002 - 12:15 PM

Mucho apologies for the delay, kiddies, but my boss sent me to Siberia to retrieve an ancient music box that contained, in its tune, the formula for zero-point energy and THEN my arch enemy Sark showed up and trapped me under the ice... wait a minute! That wasn't me, it was the chick from Alias! I often confuse her with me, since we've got the same girlish hips.

Anyways, the winners for the Punchlines for Us, Prizes for You! Contest are...

The Best Gag in the Universe Award goes to MikeyO for this surreal and hysterical posting:

So, there are these two sausages frying in a pan. One says to the other, "My God, it's hot in here!"

To which the other replies, "Oh my God, it's a talking sausage!"

The Worst Gag in the Universe Award goes to Dynedain for the below:
Q: There is a gay rights convention in San Francisco, and so two groups leave from Vermont on a roadtrip. Which gets there first? The car full of lesbians or the car of gay guys?

A: The lesbians. They were doing 69 the whole way while the guys were still packing their shit.

Why, you ask? 'Cause it's just stupid.

The Gag That Makes Us Not Want To Ever Meet You In Person, 'Cause You're No Doubt Really Creepy Award goes to Lemur666 for the following:

Q: What's the worst part of kid's birthday parties?

A: Cleaning the blood off your clown suit.

I have a feeling that Lemur666 lives in the Washington, D.C. area and has a love of guns, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN...

Prizewinners, you’ll be contacted shortly about your various prizes!

Thanks for playing, everybody!

Dynedain
Dynedain
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Re: Punchlines for Us Contest Results (Score: 1)
posted Thursday, October 17, 2002 - 09:36 PM (#2371)
function.HomerSimpsonVoice("

          WhooHooo!

          Now, what did I win

          DOH!!

")
--
But do you ever see a person leave a cathedral toting a to-go box?

Coffins don't count.
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zamphir
zamphir
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Re: Punchlines for Us Contest Results (Score: 2, Funny)
posted Thursday, October 17, 2002 - 09:51 PM (#2372)
If you thought Mikey's joke was funny, you'll split your pants over this one.

Two cows are out in the field, just outside Norwich, England.

One cow says to the other: "Hey, I'm starting to get really worried about this whole mad cow disease stuff."

The second cow says:
"I'm not, I'm a duck!"


--
Ain't nobody here but us turkeys [youtube.com]
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mcgrue
mcgrue
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Re: Punchlines for Us Contest Results (Score: 1)
posted Friday, October 18, 2002 - 04:28 PM (#2397)
In Response to GreatNeb (#2379):

Heh... you have actual talking sausages, then?
--
I like my food irradiated, just like Mother Artifice intended it to be.
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porcupine8
porcupine8
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Re: Punchlines for Us Contest Results (Score: 1)
posted Friday, October 18, 2002 - 09:26 PM (#2404)
Ok, that is totally not as sick as:

>How do you make a little girl cry twice?
>
>Wipe the blood on her Teddy bear after you pull out.

Which was posted by silk.
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Raphael
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Re: Punchlines for Us Contest Results (Score: 1)
posted Sunday, October 20, 2002 - 03:03 PM (#2411)
In Response to porcupine8 (#2404):

I have to agree here. The clown suit joke was funny in a sick way, but the little girl joke was funny in a way that eats at your brain like a pestilance until you must tell a friend to pass the sickness on to others.

The sausage joke, on the other hand, was so funny I nearly shat myself.
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MikeyO
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Re: Punchlines for Us Contest Results (Score: 1)
posted Tuesday, October 22, 2002 - 11:07 AM (#2430)
In Response to Dynedain (#2371):

Yeah, who do I contact about my MacGuffin, so I can know what's in it (even though it doesn't matter) to tell all my friends and be the target of their envy?
--
"Think like a man of action, act like a man of thought." -- Henri Bergson
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Arcane_um
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Re: Punchlines for Us Contest Results (Score: 1)
posted Wednesday, October 23, 2002 - 11:12 PM (#2443)
In Response to porcupine8 (#2404):

yeah, I've heard the little girl joke before, and it is probably the shortest sickest joke I've ever heard. right behind:
"What's the difference between menstrual blood and sand?

You can't gargle sand."

I did like the clown one though.
*evil grin*
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Lonely Goatherd
Lonely Goatherd
Re: Punchlines for Us Contest Results (Score: 0)
posted Thursday, October 24, 2002 - 05:08 AM (#2446)
If I'd have know the level of humour,.. :

What do you call a three legged donkey?
A Wonkey.

What do you call a one eyed three legged donkey?
A Winky Wonky.

Thank you.

-David
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Lonely Goatherd
Lonely Goatherd
Re: Punchlines for Us Contest Results (Score: 0)
posted Thursday, October 24, 2002 - 12:27 PM (#2454)
In Response to Lonely Goatherd (#2446):

Here is a rabbi Joke I invented earlier this week, because hey, how many times have you thought of a rabbi joke for the situation, but nothing came?

A rabbi walked into a bar, and saw a 12 inch painist. So he circumsized it.

Evan
- ehadfield@lakefieldcs.on.ca
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Lonely Goatherd
Lonely Goatherd
Re: Punchlines for Us Contest Results (Score: 0)
posted Thursday, October 24, 2002 - 02:15 PM (#2456)
In Response to Lonely Goatherd (#2454):

Scratch that, I have a new favourite

A rabbi and a Preist are eating dinner together when the rabbi says, I just came back from a bris(circumsicm), let me go wash my hands. The priest orders and the rabbi comes back.
"Isn't it disgusting... you know... circumsizing little kids?" the priest asked.
"Not really, how is raping them?".

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Evander
Evander
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For The Love Of God! (Score: 1)
posted Saturday, October 26, 2002 - 03:50 AM (#2503)
In Response to Lonely Goatherd (#2454):

(my puns amuse me)

Rabbis do not circumsize children

Moyhels do.

It's something you need to be specially trained in, some Rabbis are also moyhels, but just talking about Rabbis prefoming brisses makes no sense.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled thread:
--
"To my mind, to kill in war is not a whit better than to commit ordinary murder." -Albert Einstein
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vegetablechild
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Re: Punchlines for Us Contest Results (Score: 1)
posted Wednesday, October 30, 2002 - 09:14 PM (#2620)
You know, I've heard that sausage one before except with muffins in an oven. Although the presence of sausages makes it even more excellent.

M
--
The babies of William Shatner are MINE!
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Lonely Goatherd
Lonely Goatherd
Re: Punchlines for Us Contest Results (Score: 0)
posted Friday, January 24, 2003 - 01:22 PM (#3752)
In Response to porcupine8 (#2404):

A pedophile is walking a little boy into the woods. As they walk it begins to get dark. The little boy looks up and says, "Mister, I'm scared". The man looks down and says, "You're scared? I gotta walk back alone".
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lemur666
lemur666
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Oct 2002
Re: Punchlines for Us Contest Results (Score: 1)
posted Thursday, May 29, 2003 - 11:45 AM (#6016)
Oddly enough, I never got contacted.
--
And I said: "My name is 'Sue!' how do you do! Now you gonna die!"
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jon
jon
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Re: Punchlines for Us Contest Results (Score: 2)
posted Thursday, May 29, 2003 - 02:07 PM (#6019)
In Response to lemur666 (#6016):

That's 'cause Colin is a slacker. Email me and we can work something out.
--
"I don't wanna be an inventor. I wanna be something useful like a teacher's aide or a prison guard or a science-fiction cartoon writer." - Cubert Farnsworth
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