Name's Colin and my measurements are 36-24-36. Turn ons: Pina Coladas, long walks in the rain and installing puppet regimes in third-world countries. Turn offs: Poorly-dressed ninjas.
In case any of you missed it, the world's funniest joke was just chosen by the fine folks at LaughLab, a year-long experiment, lead by British psychology professor, Richard Wiseman. Read on for more about the experiment and Goats' first ever "Best Punchline in the History of the Universe Contest". With Prizes!
LaughLab polled thousands of people across the globe to rate the relative "humor value" of a set catalogue of jokes; and they could add their own as well. Some interesting facts about the LaughLab study: British, Irish, Australians and New Zealanders favored jokes that relied heavily on wordplay, while Americans and Canadians seemed to prefer humor that made either a character look stupid or was made to appear stupid by someone else. Continental Europeans, however, enjoyed jokes with more of a surreal bent, which explains the French love affair with Jerry Lewis.
The winner was the below shaggy-dog story:
"A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: 'My friend is dead! What can I do?' The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: 'Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.' There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: 'OK, now what?'"
Yes, yes, very funny. If you like that kind of thing, of course.
Personally, the best punch line to a joke I ever heard was; "Do you think I wanted a twelve-inch pianist?" Is there a better gag then that? I don't think so, but let's see if I'm wrong. The good people of Goats want to reach out of touch their audience, hear what they have to say and find out what they think is the best payoff in the history of all that's funny and good. Post your gag in the forum below and the Grand Pooh-Bah most perfect punch line will win the sender the honest to goodness "Holy MacGuffin," last seen in the wacky ennui-sponsored museum hijinks of Neil and Bob. What is the "Holy MacGuffin," you ask? If you're funny, true believer, you'll find out.
UPDATE: After deep consultation with Jon and Phillip (who, upon the stroke of midnight, descend into the sewers to fight crime as The Amazing Scriver and Tron, the Cyber-Slayer), we've decided to have not just one winner, but three! The prizes are as follows:
Best Gag in the Known Universe*
Worst Gag in the Known Universe*
Gag That Makes Us Not Want To Ever Meet You In Person, 'Cause You're No Doubt Really Creepy
Only the BGINKU will win the coveted MacGuffin. The WGITKU will win something shameful and disgraceful and the GTMUNWTEMYIPCYNDRC award will win the person an FBI profile!
Look for the winning trio to be announced Monday, October 14th!
Via Con Dios!
*Statement void in Alaska and Hawaii