Jim Cantori of the Weather Channel is now visiting my state of North Carolina, and, just like a visit from Angela Lansbury, that is not a good sign. And frankly, I don't know what to do - here I am stuck in the office and I have only 1/4 a gallon of milk at home, 1/2 loaf of bread, and only 4 rolls of toilet paper!!!

Frankly, can somebody help explain the milk thing to me? Currently (And it will probably change by the time you read this), at cnn.com, the covor photo is a kid proudly displaying four gallons of milk. Now, the only reason I can think of to stockpile that much of a non-essential resource is in event that the electricity goes out. If that happens, YOUR FRIDGE WILL STOP WORKING YOU STUPID IDIOT! Therefore, the first thing to go bad will be the 3 undrunk gallons of milk.

And please don't feel bad for anybody who loses their million dollar beach house built a handful of feet above sea level atop a tiny sliver of mobile sand. If I built a house in a dangerous area, for example, in the middle of the street, would you feel bad if a car ran into it? Probably not. A likely event is hardly a disaster.

Oh, and now Donald Rumsfeld has found out that there is no connection between Iraq and Al Queda. That would've been useful information about SEVEN MONTHS AGO! Coincidentally, coverage of that story has been buried by hurricane news and important reports on the life and times of John Ritter.

The hell with all of this. I am getting a crate full of milk, a Costco package of toilet paper and a six-foot loaf of bread and I'm going to stand buck naked on the point of Cape Hatteras, shake my fist at Isabel, make peanut butter sandwitches and cry.