Jim Cantori of the Weather Channel is now visiting my state of North Carolina, and, just like a visit from Angela Lansbury, that is not a good sign. And frankly, I don't know what to do - here I am stuck in the office and I have only 1/4 a gallon of milk at home, 1/2 loaf of bread, and only 4 rolls of toilet paper!!!

Frankly, can somebody help explain the milk thing to me? Currently (And it will probably change by the time you read this), at cnn.com, the covor photo is a kid proudly displaying four gallons of milk. Now, the only reason I can think of to stockpile that much of a non-essential resource is in event that the electricity goes out. If that happens, YOUR FRIDGE WILL STOP WORKING YOU STUPID IDIOT! Therefore, the first thing to go bad will be the 3 undrunk gallons of milk.

And please don't feel bad for anybody who loses their million dollar beach house built a handful of feet above sea level atop a tiny sliver of mobile sand. If I built a house in a dangerous area, for example, in the middle of the street, would you feel bad if a car ran into it? Probably not. A likely event is hardly a disaster.

Oh, and now Donald Rumsfeld has found out that there is no connection between Iraq and Al Queda. That would've been useful information about SEVEN MONTHS AGO! Coincidentally, coverage of that story has been buried by hurricane news and important reports on the life and times of John Ritter.

The hell with all of this. I am getting a crate full of milk, a Costco package of toilet paper and a six-foot loaf of bread and I'm going to stand buck naked on the point of Cape Hatteras, shake my fist at Isabel, make peanut butter sandwitches and cry.

Milk has protein and calcium, everything you need for when the storm destroys your home!

Are you near the coast or inland?

In Response to Grimicus (#8784):

I hope there is no crying over sour milk.

I'm inland (Durham), so no real danger for me. Excepting 60 mph winds knocking boughs loosened by this winter's ice storms down onto my house.

Actually, the landfall area is the least populated part of the NC coast, but the Outer Banks will get it pretty good.

The best explanation for the milk thing I've heard is that most kids won't drink anything else.

And the last thing you want when your house is being blown down the street, and your family is huddled against the storm is for your 8 year old to be screaming at the top of their lungs that I'M THIRSTY! I WANT A GLASS OF MILK RIGHT NOW AND IF I DON"T GET ONE I'M GONNA YELL AND CRY AND SCREAM UNTIL EVERYONE IS BLUE IN THE FACE AND I'M DYING OF THIRST HERE WHY ISN'T ANYONE PAYING ANY ATTENTION I JUST WANT SOMETHING TO DRINK WHERE'S MY MILK? MOMMMMM MOMMMMMM MOMMMM WHERE'S MY MILK MOM? I'M GONNA JUST CROAK RIGHT NOW IF I DON'T GET A GLASS OF NICE MILK MOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
WHERES THE MILK MOM? GIVE ME A GLASS OF MILK RIGHT NOW

Or so I've been told.

The bread is apparently to stuff into their mouths afterwards, as it makes a nice breathable gag and is biodegradable.

And the toilet paper is for making clothes out of.

In Response to zamphir (#8786):

Oooo! Toilet paper clothes...Is there a catalog?

In Response to deerboy (#8785):

I live 22 miles west of Charlotte, Winds are supposed to pick up to about 30 MPH here. My only worry is that I have a house rented in Kill Devil Hills for the Centinial of flight. I hope it's there tomorrow.

Neil

In Response to zamphir (#8786):

Actually, if it's Milk and Toilet paper, wouldn't that to be to make some kinda paper mache-ey type thing to rebuild your house? Kurdled milk would hold toilet paper together like nothin' else.

In Response to unFalln (#8796):

Kurdled milk would hold toilet paper together like nothin' else.

Or even curdled milk, arrrr [goats.com].

In Response to zamphir (#8786):

milk? I think your scenario explains why our hands have backs.

wanna know what I'm doing? taking a nice relaxing nap on my vibrating bed....wait a minute...i don't have a vibrating bed....EARTHQUAKE!!!!!

In Response to zamphir (#8786):

I'm glad you didn't quote the S.O.D. classic Milk [lyrics.net.ua].

In Response to Rich (#8833):

I thought about it, but decided not to :-)

Hopefully your shaking fist is connected to an arm that you've written your name on in permanent marker. It's much easier to identify your ocean-bloated corpse when it washes ashore in canada a few months from now.

In Response to Dynedain (#8800):

yeah, but earthquakes are over quick, and unexpected, which cuts down on the ridiculous news "reporting" warning of the impending disaster.

In Response to samayg (#8862):

true, but on the otherhand...if it's a slow news week, we get to hear about every dinky little tipsy-cup that fell over.

In Response to Dynedain (#8872):

There was some website my friend showed me that shows when earthquakes have happened in the bay area. I guess there was one recently, but I think it was so slight that I didn't even feel it.

She told me that she grew up with earthquakes in hawaii, and that usually the best thing to do is just go under your desk. But that is only good if the roof doesn't collapse. If that happens, then it would be better to just run outside.

I told her, that I'd just follow her lead :-) I figure she has more instinct for knowing whether or not she will be crushed to death.

In Response to Grimicus (#8873):

i just roll over and go back to sleep ;)