How does one find a job with the following?

• No diploma, no degree
• No practical experience in the field (civil engineering)
• No previous internships
• Few of the skills most looked for for entry-level positions
• No great desire to work

As far as that last one goes, I'm sure if I actually found a job, I would be zealous and eager to actually work at it. The problem is, while I don't mind working, I don't like looking for a job. Job hunting is the most personally demeaning, emotionally exhausting, and ego-depleting tasks I have ever engaged in, with the possible exception of an architectural project review (don't ask; if you know, you understand; if you don't, you won't). Of course, being fresh out of college, with no job, the most frustrating thing is not just that every potential employer turns you down, but that you then have to explain to friends and relatives why you still don't have a job.

I need a drink.

I believe that in the last statement of your post lies the answer to your problems. Drinking!

Becoming an alcoholic draws in sympathy, although you have to go through the whole pathetic existence crap beforehand. But that happens in any job, and with becoming an alcoholic it's more fun because it involves alcohol!

Fly, my pretty, Fly!

One word.

Nepotism.

No diploma, no degree...
Of course, being fresh out of college...

So do you have a degree or did you quit college or are you on summer break? I'm confused.

Just learn the 5 magic words, "You want fries with that?"

Ever consider the lucrative career of Trucker? Or how about manual laborer? Ever becoming buff and consider joining a union?

Yes, all these low-thoughtput jobs not only make you buff, but tend to pay outrageous amounts.

Otherwise, Temp services are the best way to get your ass-end office jobs. Personally, I prefer manual labor because you get more money, more muscle, and you can go home sorta proud instead of emasculated and frustrated.

Not that I've done it... just my mates. I'm a little creampuff of a nerd who needs to tone up before even attempting this Office Space solution that my chums have already started in on. When I saw friends of mine who dropped out of Highschool earning more than I ever did for things I could do as well... well, that's time to re-evaluate.

Anyways, the no-experience thing does suck. I'm thanking my stars for dicthing school for a bit to program while the market was still a-hoppin'. Not only do I have years on my resume, but I've learned the meaningless jargon doublespeak of assholes that all Project Managers spout, thereby letting any hiring arm of a small firm in on the fact that Hey I'm One Of You Horrible People Wink Wink.

Now have you thought of an outstanding job in the Military (that's sarcasm). No really though, we'll help you go to college and we'll give you so much experience you'll cry every night softly to yourself (at least that's what I do). And hey, you want to be an engineer? More medal of honor winners are combat engineers than any other MOS. Of course, the down side is most of those are you know, um, dead.

In Response to jscott1617 (#7165):

MOS: isn't that a member of the opposite sex?

In Response to unFalln (#7168):

And just to clarify, I learned that here [brunching.com].

In Response to unFalln (#7168):

I thought it was a metal-oxide semiconductor, myself.

In Response to zamphir (#7136):

Nepotism
Worked for me!

By the way, Zamphir, your avatar isn't broken anymore. Now you really need a new .sig.

In Response to Oedipa_Maas (#7174):

By the way, Zamphir, your avatar isn't broken anymore. Now you really need a new .sig

Not anymore. Thanks!

In Response to unFalln (#7168):

Military Occupational Specialty.

My advice would be to hide in academia as long as possible, but not so long that you actually become faculty.

Or, to quote my dad when he was talking me out of a similar career path "Son, the reason academic politics are so dirty is because the stakes are so low."

I figure you should hide there until the recession is over / we have a new administration in DC. Whichever comes first.

Or, if your academic career was, uhm... "checkered" do the same thing with the military (keeping in mind the previous advice about Academia).

My dos pesos.

In Response to zamphir (#7188):

...were you laying in wait for someone to bring that up?

In Response to zamphir (#7188):

Oh goody, now I have one too!

Huh, I'm surprised someone modded you down for that.

In Response to Oedipa_Maas (#7201):

Huh, I'm surprised someone modded you down for that.

Me too. I was quite sure you'd appreciate the joke, and am kinda suprised someone else didn't.

I blame Phillip.

In Response to mcgrue (#7198):

...were you laying in wait for someone to bring that up?

Moi? Moi?

I'm *shocked*, just SHOCKED I tell you, that you would suggest such a devious turn of mind from 'lil ole me.

:-)

In Response to zamphir (#7202):

You're blaming the wrong person, then.

And it wasn't me either.

In Response to jon (#7206):

Oh, I was only blaming Phillip in the abstract, not for the particular act. In a general way this is all his fault.

I don't care who modded me down.

I was surprised at it, but I don't really care about Karma much these days.

Anywhere between 40-50 is fine with me.

In Response to zamphir (#7207):

I guess as long as you stay a sentient citrus or equivilent, and that you are above the masses, it's okay.

Damned Junior Birdman. At least I can now look down upon Wage Slaves (at least for a little while).

In Response to zamphir (#7207):

Anywhere between 40-50 is fine with me

Between must be the key word; I can't change my avatar yet.

I sure enjoy being quoted within the posts most frequently viewed. Gets my name out there...

In Response to zamphir (#7203):

I'm continually impressed that there are those that make it their full-time job, pro bono to make the forums humorous and/or awesome.

Jolly good show. Two stale croutons up. Way up.

In Response to Oedipa_Maas (#7215):

I can't change my avatar yet.

Huh?

Anyone should be able to change their avatar, since it's just a link to a file somewhere that has been entered into the forum options.

My avatar was broken because my server was down (it was being moved, apparently).

Or did you mean the blurb? I can't change that either - it's all still the five Jon set up. But if you're hovering right at 40, and are still a Cold War Supervillian, then yeah I'd say it probably switchs at 41. At least, extrapolating from: karma ranges from 1 to 50, there are five blurbs.

In Response to mcgrue (#7216):

those that make it their full-time job, pro bono to make the forums humorous and/or awesome

pro bono? Oh, I get paid.

In LAUGHTER.

In Response to zamphir (#7236):

I think Oedipa means that she "can't change" it in a "I'm not allowing myself to change" way. Her avatar currently matches her status as a Cold War Supervillain. I'm guessing that once she evolves into a Sentient Citrus, then she "can" change the avatar to match.

In Response to zamphir (#7237):

After discovering that laughter was the best medicine, and that laughter was not a regulated over-the-counter medicine, the President today decided to extend the War on Drugs to include humor.

Anyone caught carrying more than 1.8 ounces of sarcasm, parody, or puns can be tried for up to twenty years imprisionment.

Driving 'under the influence of humor' is currently under national review to find the maximum 'sober' level, but inside sources say that it's looking as though your body can safly process 3 chuckles or 1 guffaw an hour, but any more and you're endangering yourself and others.

In Response to mcgrue (#7246):

I'm sorry, Citizen. That looked distinctly like a Joke that I - as a licensed Enforcer - have been specially trained to recognize.

Present your Humor permit or your Humor Qualification Stamp on your Artistic License or prepare to be apprehended.