My life has recently changed in a couple of drastic ways.

I could tell y'all all about it.

I've been trying to think of a clever and interesting way to do so for about a month now.

I'm really not that clever or interesting.

So.

I'll babble about it if y'all are interested.

Otherwise, not.

I guess some of you all already know.

Is this where you finally tell us about that sex change?

Fire away. I like a good chat. I don't know if i'll have anything useful to contribute, as i'm not the sort of person who understands most of the coupling/de-coupling issues. But i like to listen.

Babble away, Z.

In Response to tynic (#37597):

Is this where you finally tell us about that sex change?

Hey, don't judge the choices my pet zebra made about being a zebra living in a lion's body!

Starting to see hair in unexpected places?

So that's one person who wants to know, two or three people being flippant, and Deerboy who wants me to post pictures of unusual hair growths.

Anyone else?

In Response to zamphir (#37603):

Well, I do want to know, and if we were in the same room, I'd hand you a beer and lend you an ear. "Babble away" wasn't meant to be flippant, I was just responding using the same verb you used.

In Response to mkinyon (#37604):

Yes, you were the one person who wanted to know.

In Response to zamphir (#37605):

It's sunday afternoon, I am mildly sober.

Talk on, gives me something to do whilst remedying the situation.

In Response to zamphir (#37605):

If there is anything which you wouldn't want to go ahead and say publicly, on the internet, but you would want to discuss with someone (hopefully) open-minded, then feel free to write to me personally or call me. Otherwise, if you are comfortable airing your topics in front of other adults, i would be glad to hear them here.

In my experience, i don't feel like i've suffered any negative consequences as a result of flagrantly expressing my personal activities and ideas. But perhaps that's because there's nothing remarkably interesting about them-- at least not interesting enough to stir up any genuine trouble such as attracting the attention of stalkers or of the long arm of The Law. So i imagine it's probably okay for you to speak freely here, and for me to listen. Unless you've suddenly taken up a new hobby of smuggling heroine, or murdering infidels, i expect it will be all right for you to chat freely.

Hey, maybe you could even say some things here which you might not be able to say freely among most of your other friends... what are the odds that your wife or any of her friends are Premium Members here? Anything you have to say might never even work its way back to her ears. If you want to be almost certain that it never does, then you'll have to stick to private correspondence; otherwise i think you could speak easily here.

If you want to be absolutely certain that your words are never heard by your wife (or any other particular party) then, well, what's that old saying? "Three men can keep a secret, provided two of them are dead."

Holly flurking schnit, you haven't even opened up yet, and already i'm rambling on for several paragraphs. See how easy it is! Go for it!

In Response to Teledildonix (#37609):

Except, of course, Kevin -
I've already told you. But you might not have read that email.

HA!

Anyway.

My wife left me about a month ago. Well, I guess it depends on how you want to count... She *told* me she was leaving about five weeks ago, and moved out about two weeks ago.

So I'm single again. Hey Ladies! :-P

I am forced by my own peculiarities to take this with a positive mental attitude and look forward to the future and to recreating my life as a single person. In my job, I routinely advise my clients to accept the fact that change is a constant force and that all their decisions have to be predicated on that, and so... well, now I feel compelled to take my own advice. I realize it's shockingly non-hypocritical of me to do so, but that's just the way it is.

I am hopeful that I will eventually actually figure out what it means to be single. I was very bad at it the last time... but the amount of personal growth between then and now is ... astonishingly large. Plus I bathe more frequently.

In Response to zamphir (#37610):

Single life is for getting things done. Pick a project you've always wanted to do and get going.

In Response to jon (#37612):

In fact, I already have.

The project is "figuring out what it means to be single again".

The entirely last thing I need to do is spend *more* of my time hiding in my house, working on various nerd projects.

Between travelling all of the time, and working all of those hours when I'm both awake and on the road, and then the two or three other things I'm working on at home... If I added another personal project, I would spend literally all of my time at 1)home, 2) hotel, c) client, iv) airports

Not speaking to people in a social context for weeks at a time is *very* bad for me.

In Response to zamphir (#37610):

I wasn't one of those who already knew, but given the set up in your initial post, it wasn't hard to guess.

Anyway, when this sort of announcement is made in a (semi-)public forum, there are canned reactions one generally expects to see, such as condolences or the casting of aspersions upon the departed spouse. But it's clear that you don't want any of those. It seems your mental apparati have already carried you past the point where any of that would be worthwhile (if it ever is anyway). You just want to talk. And so, here we are.

You have some advantages over other repeat singles, among them being that you know how to cook and (I infer) do it rather well at that. I hope your rediscovery of single life includes indulging your epicurean sensibilities. All work and no play, don't ya know, the typewriter scene from the Shining notwithstanding.

In Response to zamphir (#37613):

Yes, i remember your e-mail well. Coincidentally, you are the second friend of mine to be divorcing this year, and in both cases the dissolution of the partnership appears to be reasonably amicable (at least, nobody appears to be fighting and hurting each other physically, so that's a plus.)

I don't know how to make the losing-a-friend situation less sad, because when i've lost friends in my life (due to their death, incarceration, addictions, or whatever) i've never really dealt with the experiences very well. But on the other hand, when it comes to the gaining-personal-freedom-and-independence situation, well i could probably come up with lots of ideas. Some of them might even vaguely apply to you!

Let's see... keep condoms somewhere handy, like in the pocket of your jacket.

Reevaluate the way you budget your money and time carefully, in an effort to live within your means, as no longer enjoying the benefits of a double-income household will probably require quite a bit of adjustment.

If you're going to fool around with strong psychedelics, try to do it only in the private company of close friends with whom you feel a deep level of comfort and confidence-- try not to get fucked up on acid/ shrooms/ ecstasy/ etc/ with strangers or jerks who don't care about your physical and psychological well-being.

Eat, drink, be merry, for tomorrow we may crash into the black hole, etc, etc...

Oh, and probably you shouldn't pay too much attention to whatever advice you're given by some ridiculous weirdo on the internet. His opinions often have little relevance outside his own life. But he means well, and wishes you the best. It's easy to wish the best for someone when great confidence is felt for their intelligence, friendliness, and conviviality. xoxoxoxoxox

In Response to mkinyon (#37615):

I vaguely remember maybe sending you some email about the fact that I felt things were moving towards a resolution a few months ago. Maybe that was Kevin, too.

It also could have been in one of several tens of emails to you that you didn't ever actually acknowledge receiving, much less reply to...

But that's neither here nor there.

I've been actually kind of surprised at how well I remember how to cook - given that I haven't really seriously done it in over a year. But last week, I did an entirely fabulous braised short ribs (in zinfandel/olive/beef broth/molasses/onion/rosemary/sage) with roasted kartoffelen mit rosemary/sage, and asparagus.

And then last night I made scallops with mushrooms and bok choy, very simple, just a bit of savignon blanc and butter to deglase/sauce the whole dish. And I'm going to finish off the other scallops in the package tonight, with more mushrooms and pasta and maybe some olives and blue cheese.

oo. The blue cheese just occured to me... mmmm.... And probably a bit of thyme.

I guess I can't really say if my mental aparati have actually taken me past the point where I want to talk about it... but I'm doing everything I can *not* to talk about it, as that way leads madness.

Except for the fact that, as I told Oedipas Maas the other weekend, I can't talk about my life and *not* talk about it.

In Response to Teledildonix (#37616):

keep condoms somewhere handy, like in the pocket of your jacket.

I think by my bedside and in my suitcase will be sufficient. If I find myself in need of them, and neither of those places are handy... then if the lady in question hasn't planned ahead, it's really her fault that nothing's going to happen - don'tcha think?

when it comes to the gaining-personal-freedom-and-independence situation, well i could probably come up with lots of ideas. Some of them might even vaguely apply to you!

I gotta say, it feels good to stretch out in the house, though. My wife had very little appreciation for how much of the entire house I had seceeded to the greater good. On the other hand... she probably felt the same way.

If you're going to fool around with strong psychedelics,

You haven't seen what a good strong cup of coffee can do to me. Much less a few glasses of good rum...

In Response to zamphir (#37617):

The last email I received from you was when you were stuck here in Denver for Christmas. I replied that I was stuck in my own house surrounded by snow (in particular, an unplowed street) and in-laws. Otherwise, I would have come downtown to rescue you with a little barrel tied around my neck, St. Bernard that I am.

Since you didn't get my reply, and I haven't heard from you since then, methinks something has gone awry emailwise. I'll try sending you something.

I understand that you might still want to talk about the split as a corollary of talking about your life. What I meant by my apparati comment was that having all of us react in the usual ways would probably not be too helpful at this point.

You also made me hungry, even though I just gorged myself at a Vietnamese place. I wonder if the blue cheese would overpower the thyme, though. Well, maybe not, you probably know best.

In Response to mkinyon (#37619):

The thyme was meant to be more of a backnote, and in that it succeeded. Just something to provide the tiniest bit of mystery and hint of herbalitity in the overall, to balance out the stronger flavors of the blue cheese and olives.

I should have cooked the scallops a tad longer, and Nic would have found the dish entirely too moist and saucey (but that's just because she's weird). Otherwise it came out very well, and I'm quite satiated. Especially given that I should have stuck with 1 cup of dry pasta, and not 1 1/2 cups. A bit too much food.

All in all, I'm very pleased. The last bits of the one bottle of savignon blanc did quite well to flesh out the sauce, and the first bits of the other bottle from a different vintner in my glass made a nice contrast.

In Response to mkinyon (#37615):

there are canned reactions one generally expects to see, such as condolences or the casting of aspersions upon the departed spouse.

Don't forget snide remarks from those lacking in empathy!

PS Jeff I owe you an email I shall try and remember to write one soonish. Muchos hecticos here.

In Response to zamphir (#37618):

it feels good to stretch out in the house

I knew a guy who split up with a longterm partner/ housemate who moved away. He said, "Now I'm going to turn one of the rooms into a guest room with a sling!" It seemed to be a very successful choice. But i don't think those facts will apply to you at all; i do, however, completely know what it feels like to have a roommate move out (more than once over the past couple decades) leaving me with the domestic space all to myself, quite happily. Maybe you can substitute "sling" with whatever is more to your liking and comfort. Then when you do find yourself home alone or with new friends, i hope the results bring cheer.

In Response to zamphir (#37610):

Damn you, where's the angle to snark on that?

I don't know if this makes your stalking of the forums less or more creepy. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, because that's all I have.

Still waiting for those PICTURES!!!!

In Response to jon (#37612):

Single life is for getting things done.

Says the father-to-be.

Ha he! Damn, I'll be laughing all night long to that one. That's rich. Ho Ho! Just, please don't quit your day job.

In Response to deerboy (#37625):

Damn you, where's the angle to snark on that?

I expected better of you.