This is one of those annoying forwards you've probably already gotten, but something about it awoke the 12-year old in me. I really need to chew my food more carefully.

> >This only takes a minute and its fun. Please don't be a bore and ruin
> >it. Send it onto everyone you know including the person that sent it
> >to
> >you. Sometimes when you have a stressful day or week, you need some
> >silliness to break up the day. Here is your dose...
> >
> >Follow the instructions to find your new name. The following in an
> >excerpt from a children's book, "Captain Underpants and the Perilous
> >Plot of Professor Poopypants" by Dave Pilkey: The evil Professor
> >forces
> >everyone to assume new names...
> >
> >Use the third letter of your first name to determine your New first
> >name:
> >
> >a = poopsie
> >b = lumpy
> >c = buttercup
> >d = gidget
> >e = crusty
> >f = greasy
> >g = fluffy
> >h = cheeseball
> >i = chim-chim
> >j = stinky
> >k = flunky
> >l = boobie
> >m = pinky
> >n = zippy
> >o = goober
> >p = doofus
> >q = slimy
> >r = loopy
> >s = snotty
> >t = tootie
> >u = dorkey
> >v = squeezit
> >w = oprah
> >x = skipper
> >y = dinky
> >z = zsa-zsa
> >
> >Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of
> >your new last name:
> >
> >a = apple
> >b = toilet
> >c = giggle
> >d = burger
> >e = girdle
> >f = barf
> >g = lizard
> >h = waffle
> >i = cootie
> >j = monkey
> >k = potty
> >l = liver
> >m = banana
> >n = rhino
> >o = bubble
> >p = hamster
> >q = toad
> >r = gizzard
> >s = pizza
> >t = gerbil
> >u = chicken
> >v = pickle
> >w = chuckle
> >x = tofu
> >y = gorilla
> >z = stinker
> >
> >Use the fourth letter of your last name to determine the second half
> >of your new last name:
> >
> >a = head
> >b = mouth
> >c = face
> >d = nose
> >e = tush
> >f = breath
> >g = pants
> >h = shorts
> >i = lips
> >j = honker
> >k = butt
> >l = brain
> >m = tushie
> >n = chunks
> >o = hiney
> >p = biscuits
> >q = toes
> >r = buns
> >s = fanny
> >t = sniffer
> >u = sprinkles
> >v = kisser
> >w = squirt
> >x = humperdinck
> >y = brains
> >z = juice
> >
> >Thus, for example, George W. Bush's new name is Goober Chickenshorts.