The computer I'm writing this on (a Mac... anybody know a good, free, general-purpose coder's editor for OS 9.x?...) has a "Kung Fu Hamster" sitting on the shelf next to it. When you squeeze his cute, fuzzy, front-left paw, he sings about a verse and a half of "Kung Fu Fighting" while twirling a pair of nunchaku in his front-right paw. It's noticeably worse than those stupid "Billy Bass" things, because he takes longer to get done, and worse than the similar Christmas-themed crap because it doesn't get put away for eleven months a year. Even the talking Barney dolls are something of an improvement, because those at least make good targets. (Merlin's friend Kate practices on one with her coach whip. "SNAP!" "I looove you!" Ohhh, yeah.)

So, is this actually the most evil toy ever?

1) BBEdit Lite, or Alpha
2) No. It's not the evilest toy ever. That would be Barbie.

1)emacs, vi, poison of your choice
2)contrary to zamphir, I have seen this toy, and yes it is more evil than barney or barbie

In Response to Dynedain (#7599):

oops, just noticed you said OS 9....ummm...i think clan hanna had found one once that seemed pretty good (or was it his roommate) - but i've never used it

When I was a kid I had this solid, thick, heavy, rubber hulk hogan wwf thing. It was so strong, you could actually beat yourself up with it. did wonders for my sisters barbie collection, until one day (teenage angst years stuff) I got really angry and found it and ripped one of its arms off.

I then felt just like Aunty Jack.

In Response to Dynedain (#7599):

Barbie is more evil than any other toy for two reasons:
1) Experience. She's been in the evil toy business for a *long* time.
2) Insidiousness, and low cunning. She's firmly entrenched in the cultural gestalt, and has neural tendrils into all Westernized females everywhere. EVERY young girl at some point is given a Barbie doll, even if she never asks for one.

In Response to zamphir (#7611):

"Math is hard!"

"My place is in kitchen! And I don't even need shoes!"

"It's my fault Ken hits me. There's no need to get the police involved!"

In Response to zamphir (#7611):

"Math is hard!"

"My place is in kitchen! And I don't even need shoes!"

"It's my fault Ken hits me. There's no need to get the police involved!"

In Response to zamphir (#7611):

Barbie is evil simply in that she contradicts and undermines the feminist agenda in western society. Barbie isn't inherently evil, taken out of sociological context.

The 'kung-fu-fighting' hamster, however, is insidious in that it sits there, mocking you, tempting you. The urge to make it dance is uncontrollable, yet it is incredibly annoying when it does. It acts like a drug.

In Response to mcgrue (#7623):

...

...Fitting with the beginning of this topic, this double-post was caused to my lack of familiarity with the mac I'm currently on at work.

I keep hitting the apple-key with a directional arrow expecting it to skip across words. Instead, it goes forward/backward in the page history. Argh.

This can firmly be placed on me showing up half an hour late for my consultant's shift, so that my backup man has already claimed the 'real' computer. I'd've demanded it back, but he gave me a cookie. :(

In Response to zamphir (#7595):

So, if I really wanted the evilest toy ever, I'd have to package this little guy along with a Barbie for him to beat up?

Ooh, now there's an idea. They've got Barbies that change color in water, they've got Barbies that change color depending on temperature; would it be possible to make a Barbie with skin that turns purple when you press it hard? "Battered Barbie..." I could make millions. MILLIONS, I tell you.

In Response to Dynedain (#7628):

Barbie is evil simply in that she contradicts and undermines the feminist agenda in western society. Barbie isn't inherently evil, taken out of sociological context.

Yes she is evil taken out of sociological context.

For the exact reason you cite for the kung-fu-fighting hamster.

She just sits there, tempting you to play with her - to make her walk, talk, and shop for clothes.

And that's more evil in any culture than a simply "annoying" dance and song routine by a stuffed animal.

Now, maybe, just maybe this hamster thing could be more evil than Barbie, but only if the song it played were the theme song to Gilligan's Island. And even then, I think Barbie would still be the more evil toy.

In Response to zamphir (#7643):

She just sits there, tempting you to play with her - to make her walk, talk, and shop for clothes.

Have a confession to make?

And again, thats only evil in a sociological context, not inherently.

In Response to Dynedain (#7653):

Have a confession to make?
Why do you care? Are you picturing me in a dress?

And again, thats only evil in a sociological context, not inherently.

No.

Or at least, no more than the hamster is only evil in a sociological context. "Kung-Fu Fighting" is only a bad song in some cultures.

In Response to zamphir (#7660):

I would have to say "Kung-Fu Fighting is a bad song in any culture.

Or maybe I just feel that way because of my association with it as a wedding / prom / play anytime to get lame white people to dance type song.

Now that's evil.

In Response to jettaboy20 (#7665):

Now that's evil.

There are at least four songs more evil than Kung-Fu Fighting.

Let's start with the theme song to Gilligan's Island. This is a song with some powerful mojo. Not only is it a catchy tune that gets stuck in your head, it's a catchy tune that will OVERWRITE any other song stuck in your head.

Another fine example of an evil song is the Macarena.

I will not name the other two songs that I consider more evil than Kung Fu Fighting, as I've already done enough damage with my first two examples.

In Response to zamphir (#7666):

Damn, you're right... just thinking about the GI theme has overwritten most of my short-term memory. Or maybe that was the beer. All I know is that I'm going to need to take a brillo to the gray matter when I get home to get rid of that freakin' song.

In Response to zamphir (#7666):

Y'know, it's funny; I've never, ever heard the Macarena. I just wasn't listening to the radio at all that year, and it slipped right by.
   
  The Gilligan's song... egads. I've forgotten the theme song to Gilligan's Island! All I can remember is that at some point they go out for a "threeeeeee hour tour."
   
  I feel so culturally naked.
   
  -m, NAKED, I tell you

In Response to Lonely Goatherd (#7669):

I've forgotten the theme song to Gilligan's Island!

Shirly you're not asking me to repeat it here, are you?

Cause if so, just sit right back...

In Response to Lonely Goatherd (#7669):

I've forgotten the theme song to Gilligan's Island!

Shirly you're not asking me to repeat it here, are you?

Cause if so, just sit right back...

In Response to zamphir (#7672):

No he's not. And don't call him Shirly.

...He's a Shirley.

In Response to Lonely Goatherd (#7669):

You can recreate the sensation of "the summer of Macarena" by locating a flat-head screwdriver, then locating one of your ears, and making the business end of both meet each other repeatedly.

In Response to zamphir (#7672):

Cause if so, just sit right back...

... I'd like to hear that tale, the tale of a fateful trip...

Ooh, I've got one of those too. I bought it at a truck stop north of Columbus. For pure evil, it's not as much fun as Fred the skull, who plays a cheery Hooked-on-Dirges tune, complete with dancing black roses.

In Response to Lonely Goatherd (#7669):

Aw Gates, you were doing so well, and then you go and backslide into slackerdom again. I'm a busy gal, ya know. I don't have the time to check up on you to make sure you log in before you post and wash your hands before dinner.

In Response to mcgrue (#7676):

And don't call him Shirly.

Maybe I'll call him "Nice" instead. Although that doesn't sound like a very good gang name.