Tell us about your gripes, peeves and complaints.

Contractors send us documents with invalid distribution statements that look like they were generated with a Scrabble set and a fifth of Scotch. When I call them up to ask "OMGWTFBBQ?" they say, "Um, I dunno, it was in the contract like that?" "Sir, even if the government were stupid enough to write a contract saying we could take all your sooper-sekrit test data and share it with your direct competitors, you would have to be a knuckle-dragging retard to have signed such a thing." Rocket science, they can handle. Simple instructions baffle them. Your tax dollars at work!

Beefnut [beefnut.com] is offline.

Architects and interior designers who think they need cool, bouncy animated Flash websites, and then complain that its not easy to update or that they can't bookmark sections.

The girl who sits next to me at work, appears to spend at least half her day discussing her personal life or yelling at her husband - or, failing that, yelling at the chief contractor on her home renovation project, who is also her brother.

Her vocabulary is chock-full of charming phrases, such as "Ya know what I'm sayin'?" and "I mean," repeated ad nauseam. Her grasp of grammar is appalling, she appears not to understand subject-verb agreement, and she's pathologically incapable of filling out forms properly.

She's slightly more than five months pregnant now, but has suffered water retention such that she has been unable to wear her wedding ring since approximately two months into her pregnancy. This has not stopped her from subsisting on a diet of "Whatever I want to eat," and drinking at least two cans of soda a day.

She is, in short, driving me maaaaaaaad.

Headphones. They work wonders in my office.

I don't understand. How can you stab someone with headphones?

How can you stab someone with headphones?

Many many small motions, repeated very fast.

Oh, how I wish I could... I work in a call center as the departmental filing monkey/general aide and fill-in. Headphones are strictly forbidden as a detriment to my duties.

the departmental filing monkey/general aide and fill-in

paper clip.

Why hasn't Nagy picked a winner in his contest?

I have a similar question. Where's my t-shirt?

Crap, did I forget to thank you for that? This is why people don't like me. Yes, that must be the reason.

This is why people don't like me

Surely you're loved by all?

Surely you're loved by all?

He'll have to insult me a bit more to make me love him.

The electricians that were hired to do the wiring at the startup that I'll be off to next week are complete morons who have never done work like this before. They also manage to do about 2 hours of actual work during a 12 hour day. They have tried to soldier wires to DB9 connectors using a soldering iron that is thicker than a pencil.

Please make the mental pain stop.

Why can't I get my work done?

  -- or --

Check rule 17.b

Alcoholic beverages are not required to have nutritional information printed on the label.

All other food / drink is.

How do I figure out which beers to drink to make my exact calorific requirements for the day to maintain my glorious figure?

you

glorious figure

I'm pretty sure that's not the adjective I used.

No. you!

this is where we do that glare the ex flying-penguins in the simpsons do[1] I assume....

[1] Or of course the homer - burns glare after the ride in the rocket house. Either one.

Hard to talk with your mouth full!

Hooray! Someone had to say it!

Damn I'm sexy!

Goddammit, where's that photo.

Drunk++ by the way. First drunken goats posting in a few months, I think. I've got some catching up to do.

There are only a couple of photo's of me on the net that are not referenced in these forums, and you weren't on goats fans to collect them so I am not sure which photos you refer to.

Of course of you mean my drunk dance here it is [googlepages.com]

I, of course, am not drunk having since giving up the way of the bottle and becoming quite the moralistic and pillar of the community type.