With equal parts horror [goats.com] and amusement, I declare the "Phillip Slash Contest" open.

Design a webpage, complete with badly Photoshopped pictures, teasers of "Phillip slash" stories, and overall horrible design. Entries will consist of an URL that links to your creation.

Winner will be determined by the entry that breaks my mind most thoroughly. I retain the option to declare "no winner" if there are fewer than three entries.

Winner gets the choice of any Super-Advance shirt currently up for sale in the store, shipping included, paid for by me.

Deadline for entries is midnight, 30 April 2005, Goats Standard Time. Prize to be awarded after my stomach stops churning.
 

Um, this is the cartoon Phillip, right?

Is anyone else going for this? Cuz I ain't making a page if no one else does.

In Response to Deathalicious (#26886):

You may interpret "Phillip" as you like.
 

I knew that if I slacked off enough, someone else would offer a contest.

Sucker.

And hell, yeah, I'm entering.

In Response to zamphir (#26891):

"Sucker"? Hell, I've been wondering for months what a Zamphir entry would look like. I just needed a premise toxic enough to draw you in.

Personally, I blame it on Lars Sorensen, who drove up onto the sidewalk, over a parking meter, and took out 10 meters of fencing in my front yard last night. I have developed an intense hatred of Swedes, and tranferred it to Phillip.
 

In Response to gtyrrell (#26901):

Is that the same Sorensen of the codec fame?

In Response to Dynedain (#26902):

Unless he's a school crossing guard who's driving without car insurance, no.
 

God help me, what have I started?

Oh, fuck it. It's a cue to call on my fearsome MSPaint skills. How can I resist?

In Response to gtyrrell (#26901):

I've been wondering for months what a Zamphir entry would look like.

Curious about your fellow man? Good for you! Maybe you're what some people call a "late bloomer". But Zamphir has insisted that he's exclusively involved with his spouse already, so don't get your hopes up.

You have a little more than a week to enter the "Phillip Slash" contest. Surely you don't wish Zamphir to run away with the prize without competition? Enter today! It's fun and free!
 

In Response to gtyrrell (#26955):

Trust me, if I had any idea how to actually make a website, I would do this thing that you ask.

In Response to GeminiCrash (#26958):

Trust me, if I had any idea how to actually make a website, I would do this thing that you ask.

Microsoft Word lets you export files as HTML documents.

Gary would likely be extra offended if you did this.

In Response to gtyrrell (#26955):

I will have an entry, I promise. But you won't see it until close to the deadline, because I'm going out-of-state for the beginning of Passover. Which means no access to my computer to work on it. So patience, and whatnot.

PS: Does anyone know where I can get one of those stupid chase-your-cursor gimmicks? Preferably with something really offensively hideous like neon sparkly stars or unicorns.

In Response to zamphir (#26960):

That's an interesting technique. I think I'll create mine using GoLive.

In Response to sakuruth (#26971):

The javascript for that is pretty simple. I'm not on my own computer, or I'd copy/paste, but you should be able to get it via google very easily.

You now have a little more than 3 days to enter the Phillip Slash contest. We have rumors of contest entries [goats.com] from Zamphir, Dynedain, and sakuruth. You gonna just let one of them walk away with your rightful prize? Enter!
 

In Response to gtyrrell (#27039):

Rumor != entry. I don't have the time to whip one up by the deadline; several paying websites take precedence.

You asked [jaral.org] for it.

I don't have badly Photoshopped pictures.

But everything else should be suitable horrible -
and parts are definatly NSFW.

I feel... speechless, really.

In Response to zamphir (#27117):

OMG G/P OTP!!!12

Well, I can't look at the damn thing anymore, it burns my eyes too badly. So you can all suffer through it instead.

Welcome, my friends, to Chaos Pope [geocities.com]. Please clean up your own exploding brain matter, as our janitorial staff is currently on vacation in the coma ward of a Florida hospital.

We have entries from Zamphir and Sakuruth! Everybody feel good for them. And, I suspect, very badly for me.
 

The contest is now closed.

Although there were only two entries and I reserved the right to require three or more, I have decided to proceed with judging.

I'm not sure whether this is because I like you people, or hate myself. The winner will be declared shortly.
 

In Response to Teledildonix (#26912):

I stumbled apon this gem!

  "Curious about your fellow man? Good for you! Maybe you're what some people call a "late bloomer". But Zamphir has insisted that he's exclusively involved with his spouse already, so don't get your hopes up."

I'm laughing so hard I can't see to type!!!! Rock on!

In Response to sentdata (#27131):

If any one actually thinks I wrote either of the stories in my entry... they're sadly mistaken.

I'm no where near talented enough to do that.

Once again, grep saves the day.

In Response to zamphir (#27132):

But remember, Dynedain likes pipe.

In Response to zamphir (#27117):

My eyes! My eyes!