so I am sitting here doing boring ass documentation on crap that no one will ever understand anyway and, for some reason, the discovery health channnel is on.

So far I have heard that homeopathic medicines work!!! despite an admission that with the dilutions you would have to eat a pill the size of the earth to get _one_ molecule of the "effective agent". This is not my paraphrasing, they actually said this. Apparently it is "imprint energy".

Then I heard about depression in post natal females and no one mentioned the societal effect of having 9 months of everyone crapping on about glowing and beauty, followed by no beauty and being alone with a squalling hunk of flesh. Apparently it is a brain defect that can be triggered up to a couple of years after child birth, it is caused by hormones, maybe brain disease, NOT by general diffidence of the people that celebrated your amazing gift to the world.

I am currently experiencing "Natural Child Birth". My mamma had several children, 4, Dan's had 9. I know many people through my baby sitting career that also had many. None of these ladies would _EVER_ recommend a drug free birthing experience, in fact I have heard mentions of "Oh we tell them that so that after their first one they won't sneer at us anymore".

The "documentary" actually had nurses saying "oh yeah all the naturals are first timers"

And yet they continue to support the idea (latest note: natural increases chances of "tearing", this doesn't sound good)

Is this channel insane or am I? Perhaps 12 hours of pain is too much for the mind to handle and so it is conveniently forgotten (until of course the next time and the nurse asks "drugs?")

Is this why first borns are pushed so hard: "You hurt so damn much that you better do something good"?

w00t, latest update, despite extensive (3rd degree) anal and vaginal tearing requiring _35_MINUTES_ of sewing to repair and which _most_ women recover from within 6 months young miss (insert name of, apparently, proud black female here that I have forgotten as I am not au fai with the younger generations name of choice) is happy she did it.

Hubby looked kind of upset. Which I understand, some one hurts my girlfriend and I'll kill that fucker, if it is my own child I guess I have to make a choice of who I will support for the next few months.

Beauty is Truth and Truth is Beauty.

And neither of these are News or Entertainment.

In Isvestia, is no Tass. In Tass, is no Isvestia.

I, of course, have something to add to this due to the fact that I have had a child naturally.

1. At first I had a choice and I chose natural. And then when it got down to it they realized that I didn't have a choice because of something to do with my low platelet count mixed with my elevated blood pressure. I'm pretty sure that's what the deal was; but it didn't matter because I didn't want one anyway.

2. I do recommend a natural birth. I think women now a days are such babies. And it's not only that, it's the fact that when they pump you full of those drugs you have absolutely no control of anything from the waist down. Due to this fact the process actually takes longer because you have no control over the kegel muscles - these muscles come in handy when you're trying to hold the baby in place so it doesn't retract back into your uterus.

3. Oh yeah, all the naturals are first timers. This isn't entirely accurate because my mother had both of my brothers and myself naturally. I'm pretty sure my grandmother had all eight of her children naturally. And just think of all the women who have existed over the ages that never even had the choice of getting an epidural. So, those nurses probably have no idea what they are talking about because 80% of all women in labor get an epidural; and I bet that most of those women are first timers. If I have a second child, I'll do it naturally just as before.

4. I was given a dose of Stradol at one point in time. It was supposed to let me get at least an hour of sleep; it didn't work.

5. Tearing is going to occurr whether or not you are having the kid naturally. And some doctors even cut where you would tear naturally, it's called an episiotomy. Of course this is highly unneccessary and can actually cause problems later on.

6. The main reason that I support having a natural birthing experience is because of the feeling after it's all said and done. There is nothing quite like the first few moments after the child is born. It's a short but awesome span of time filled with exhaustion, pain, elation, and this overwhelming sense of accomplishment. It was one of the most beautiful experiences in my life and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

In Response to zamphir (#26869):

"...at once it struck me what quality went to form a Man of Achievement ... I mean Negative Capability, that is, when a man is capable of being in uncertainties, mysteries, doubts, without any irritable reaching after fact and reason"

Do you really think Keats has a place in this forum?

In Response to doriette (#26877):

Oh, I don't know. He wrote an ode to indolence, didn't he? But maybe that's just applicable to me.

(A quick google tells me no-one's written an ode to pedantry. This could be an interesting challenge).

I can't watch that channel. All that blood and stuff makes me ill. Even with all the stuff I've been through.

tor you are the man! This is good shit. And the "Is this why first borns are pushed so hard: "You hurt so damn much that you better do something good"?" has had me stumped for a long time to.

Is this why first borns are pushed so hard: "You hurt so damn much that you better do something good"?

In the case of a friend of mine, it's because "first born" = "only". She got suckered into the natural childbirth routine, and later told me, "That's it. [her husband] is never touching me again. They say you forget the pain of labor? I took notes so I would never forget! No. More. Kids."
 

In Response to tynic (#26881):

no-one's written an ode to pedantry

This was such a great thing, it was going to be my next contest.

But Gary beat me to it.

In Response to gtyrrell (#26905):

I think my wife talked to a woman like that.

When my wife was like 12.

Sigh.

In Response to gtyrrell (#26905):

It's really not that bad. Sheesh. Not only do women have pussies, but most of them are pussies. I personally take a lot of pride in the fact that I had my child naturally; makes me feel a cut above the rest.

In Response to sentdata (#26903):

Tor,

They say you can tell a lot about a man by looking at his friends.

DB

Huh. Out of her 3 kids, the only one my mom was drugged for was me (the oldest). And that was only because she was 17 years old and took whatever the doctors told her to without really thinking on her own. Plus, they had to induce labor and it took forever.

My sister popped out less than 5 hours after the first hint of labor, mom didn't even have time to get any drugs. In fact, she came out so fast she broke her collarbone on the way out.

My brother had a fairly normal birth (not long like mine or short like my sister's), and mom says that the LaMaze actually works when you have time to do it right and focus on it, so she didn't need any drugs.

That tearing doesn't sound fun, though. Hm.

In Response to tynic (#26881):

Oh, to be pedant
Now that Zamphir's here,
And whoever is a pedant
Sees faux pas everywhere.
That the apostrophe is placed for possession
Around the s in correct position,
Find tautology with oxymoron
In pedantic goat’s forum!!

In Response to porcupine8 (#26930):

Plus, they had to induce labor and it took forever.

They had to induce me as well, for the same reason that they wouldn't allow me an epidural if I wanted one - low platelet count and high blood pressure. I was technically in labor for about 24 hours, but only a half an hour of the actual pushing. The worst part was the contractions two hours before the pushing began...those sucked.

In Response to GeminiCrash (#26957):

When my wife had #1, the final push, from baby being engaged to delivery, took over an hour; normally it's about 15min (I think). She passed out twice, the doctor was on the verge of an emergency caesarean and she was ripped up very badly. After our daughter had been checked and was all okay my wife said ‘You are never coming near me with that thing again, if you want another you bloody well deliver it!’ or words to that effect.

My daughter is 3 on Sunday and #2 is due in the middle of May.

In Response to GeminiCrash (#26957):

They had to induce with my mom because I was already nearly 4 weeks overdue, I was going to run out of placenta to eat soon. (So warm and snuggly in there - why would I want to leave?) I'm pretty sure that after the initial whatever they give to induce labor, they had to give her more a couple days later because she STILL wasn't having a baby.

By that point, she didn't care much what they gave her (and again, she was 17 and did whatever the doctors said, for the most part).

In Response to porcupine8 (#26961):

I hated the petosin. Having the I.V. in my hand was bad enough and then when they actually started the drip...ick. It was cold and I could feel it going into my veins, I hate thinking about it; it gives me the shivers. Even after the contractions started to pick up and become more regular, they didn't lower the level of the petosin coming in. So I was uncomfortable for a little bit until they finally came in and fixed it.

In Response to Nagy_Vilmos (#26959):

the final push, from baby being engaged to delivery, took over an hour; normally it's about 15min (I think).

3 hours, but the epidural came in after ~20 hours of labor. The phrase 'C-section' got the job done. That and the vacuum pump. The drugs wore off at the start of the pushing.

In Response to Nagy_Vilmos (#26953):

I can't pick the stanzas in this ode, is it meant to be sung to a melody?

In Response to unFalln (#27001):

To be pedantic, the first line should be
'Oh to be a pedent'

It is a moidered version of Robert Browning's Home Thoughts, From Abroad [poetryconnection.net].

Share and enjoy!

In Response to Nagy_Vilmos (#27008):

'Oh to be a pedent'

to be a pedant?

In Response to tor (#27012):

Poetic licence?