Okay, so I get involved with this person who seems absolutely perfect. Unfortunately, it's a long distance relationship (I live in the States, she lives in London).

It seems like the relationship is going "okay", but as time wears on, we do feel less and less close, but both of us say, "Well, we can work things out" when I visit her.

And today, I get, you know, the letter.

I had a whole bunch of plans up in the air -- I was going to move to London, and saw this as a chance to make some big changes in my life path. I've been now in the workplace since getting my bachelor's 4 1/2 years ago, and I was planning to get my master's there (which I still may do, since at this point it's way to late to apply to most US grad schools, so the earliest I could complete my masters in the US is December 2007, whereas I'd be done September 2006 if I studied in the UK). I purchased tickets to go visit her in February (during Valentines. Ugh. That'll be fun this year).

So, uh, any suggestions on things I might do? Anyone?

Fortunately (hah!), I do have experience in being dumped in the past. So I know it's important to allow myself to grieve a little bit but also get involved in a lot of activities and have fun.

I was wondering if anyone else knew some keen ways of dealing with the whole breakup situation. Also, I still want to go forward on some new life changes. Since grad school is not an immediate option, does anyone have an idea of something I can get involved in?

Are you sure this isn't just a way so she doesn't have to buy you Christmas presents? There are Google ads coming up on the right about relationships too.

Seriously, never having been dumped (there's insight into my dating/relationships), I can't offer any advice. Sorry to hear about it though.

Being dumped sucks. There is no easy get-over-this-feeling-quick cure. At least not anything that is emotionally or psychologically healthy. Burying yourself in something else is escaping. All you can really do is let it go, take it one day at a time, and eventually the pain will lesson and go away. It will always hurt a bit to look back at it, but its healthy as long as you understood what happened and learn from it.

In Response to Rich (#23650):

Apparently, she sent out the packages last Monday, so no. This was really something that she apparently mulled over all weekend, so it was actually a fairly recent decision, although to be honest the understirrings were there, sort of.

Let's say it was a shock but not a total surprise that the breakup happened. I mean, I figured we could make things work, and she said that she wanted to make things work, but at the same time we were talking less and when we did she sounded more like an acquaintance than a romantic partner.

In Response to Dynedain (#23652):

I'd agree that burying myself in activites is non-productive. I guess my point was that shutting myself out from the world would be a bad thing. Also, in a previous breakup I focused a lot of attention on "What is wrong with me" "How must I change" and so on. Now I know that breakups happen for a lot of different reasons, and that focusing on this is unproductive.

In Response to Rich (#23650):

There are Google ads coming up on the right about relationships too.

Oh, if only this had been some practical joke intended to get Google to display ads about Goat-lovin'.

Alas, it is not.

Milk of Amnesia works very well.

Nearly seriously though. I know it's not a consolation right now, but I know very well how hard a long distance relationship can be. Just after I got engaged to my wife, I was moved to Singapore by my job. I was there for nearly six months before getting a transfer to Stockholm, so I could get home at weekends. The whole period was very hard on both of us, but we managed to get through it okay. I am now working away again, this time in London and going back to Budapest every weekend. The reason our marriage is surviving this is that we both need each other. If either of us had not been committed it would not have worked.

As for what you do now? Go get your masters. You don’t have to do it full time. Mrs. N-V finished her MA early this year whilst working full time in a very difficult job. So I’d suggest trying to work and study at the same time.

If you think that coming to London might rekindle the relationship, then tear up the ticket, burn the remains and go to Rio instead. Living abroad is great and an experience not enough people get a chance to have. It can also be very hard, especially when things go wrong and when you inevitably find yourself missing something simple from home. Year after year, I have never been able to get around not having English sausages and I doubt I ever will. The upside is experiences that you will never get at home, meeting people that would otherwise never be a part of your life.

Going from America to Britain shouldn’t be too much of a culture shock, we even almost speak the same language; I had to learn Hungarian and it is very difficult. Your still young, you’ve had a good education so far and you are keen to keep going. You’ll enjoy it. Just do it for yourself and things will work out.

<cliché>
Time is a great healer
</cliché>

I can kind of relate to how you're feeling. The distance was not as great as an entire ocean, but it was a state. When I moved out here to St. Louis from Indianapolis, we felt that our relationship would end; so we were a little surprised when it didn't. The whole ending thing took a couple months when on Labor Day he told me that he wanted to end the relationship and focus more on being friends; this idea lasted a week when we began to forget how friends talked. This was mostly his fault as he would say "I love you" and call me sweetheart - very confusing. I went into Indy for Thanksgiving and learned - at 1:30 A.M. the Friday after - that his feelings had changed, yet again, leaving me to go get a hotel room.

Most of the time that I have lived here, I have missed Indianapolis; but after Thanksgiving I've realised that there are people here who care about me and there are many propects for future heartbreaks, possibly a lasting relationship, as well.

Do you wonder if maybe you had ended the relationship, it would be easier to deal with? I know that's how I feel. If I had just beaten him to the punch, I'd be a lot better off. But I'm such an idealist, and was pretty sure that things would work out if we just dreamed a little harder.

First of all...

A LETTER?

Spend the money on the phone call, for crikkies.

Second of all... when you finish your masters degree is not horribly important. In fact, it's significantly MORE important that you find a master's program that you LIKE and that will give you the experience you are looking for. It's not quite as crucial for a masters to have an advisor you can work with as it is for a P.H.d.... but it's still something to strive for.

Now, though, is definitely a good time to make changes in your life path.

Move somewhere... like Baltimore... and get a new job. Hang out at new bars, meet new people, sleep with new people, pick up new diseases...

Have lots of rebound sex.

Take up a new hobby - something that involves other people. Cards, competitive scrabble, bowling, bar hopping... whatever.

In Response to Nagy_Vilmos (#23662):

If you think that coming to London might rekindle the relationship, then tear up the ticket, burn the remains and go to Rio instead.

Curses. I knew I should have insisted on paper tickets.

As far as getting my master's, I'd much rather take a break from work and focus on study exclusively. My current job pays crap and my only work experience has been in IT, which I am currently trying to escape. I will either play it mostly safe and go for a teaching degree, or risk it all, go for an MA in International Relations and then try to get some sort of job with an international bent.

In Response to Deathalicious (#23668):

I knew I should have insisted on paper tickets.

Burn the ticket computer?

MA in International Relations

If that interests you go join the State Department, get a posting to somewhere hard and use that as background for your thesis; all the while taking Z. advice.

In Response to Nagy_Vilmos (#23671):

If that interests you go join the State Department, get a posting to somewhere hard and use that as background for your thesis; all the while taking Z. advice.

So, I should join the State Department and become the ambassador to Baltimore?

In Response to Deathalicious (#23674):

I didn't know you had Embassies in your own country.

Well, I hope that your victorious victory in Zamphir's contest has made you feel better. Not only that, but your town is the best place to live [charlottesville.org] according to Frommer's "Cities Ranked and Rated 2004".

It sounds like time to switch on "A Wonderful Life" and feel extra happy.

In Response to Nagy_Vilmos (#23685):

Bah. Melbourne is the world's most liveable city!

In Response to snipergirl (#23687):

If you took a random sample of 837 people they would probably all say there town or city is this best.

Me, I think the best is Budapest because that is where my family is and I spend my leisure time there, etc. The bars are cheap and don't close too early, the restaurants are wonderful and there is a plethora of nightclubs to choose from.

<kill bill>
I spell checked all of that in word and it complained about 'nightclub' and the prompted spelling was 'night club'
Can't be right but changed it anyway, complained and the prompt was 'night-club'.
Getting confused but changed it anyway, complained and the prompt was 'nightclub'.

Changed it back and reminded myself of the following:

Most
Intelligent
Companies
Realise
Our
Software
Only
Fools
Teenagers

</kill bill>

In Response to Nagy_Vilmos (#23685):

Hmmm. Not at my salary. But then again, no place is that ideal on my salary. :-L

Part of the thing that is spurring my need to get out of my current job is that there is no growth in it. I mean, I hate to badmouth the company I work for, but there it is. There's only a little bit of impetus towards growth, hindered, no doubt, by a lack of sales, effective management, and absolutely no brand awareness. After 6 years in Charlottesville, we're still basically unknown by anybody. Everyone knows about the company that is basically our only reasonable rival in the region, but no one has heard of us. And unfortunately I think my boss sort of likes to keep it that way for weird psychological reasons. Every time I bring up advertising, getting our name out, etc., he shies away from it. Another reason I'm planning on leaving.

Also, the work that we do is excellent, but we're sort of lousy at project management. Ideally, if we had the money we'd get someone whose focus was on project management so that we could get projects out the door faster. Basically our time right now is taken up just doing architecting, coding, maintenance, client support, and keeping up a half-dozen servers.

My cut-off date was originally June 1st, as that coincided with the end date for my lease, but if I end up staying in the country and not going to the UK, then there may not even be a point to staying that long. I might just stay long enough to get the current work out of the way for various clients, and then skedaddle.

In Response to Nagy_Vilmos (#23689):

No, dumbass, Melbourne is the World's Most Liveable City [eiu.com]

I'm not sure how mentally stable of a person you are...but I wouldnt recomend moving AWAY from friends you already have. If your not living near anyone your close with, then moving cant hurt.

Having people around that like you even if your in a bad mood is really great after a breakup, and I have been dumped harshly a few times. Being alone in a new city would be death for me, becuase I am not social when depressed, and I become quite reclusive in new places. Just something to think about.

I hope you do something you can get really excited about though. There is nothing like knowing that you wouldnt be this happy had that person not left you.

In Response to michele9993 (#23713):

I hope you do something you can get really excited about though. There is nothing like knowing that you wouldnt be this happy had that person not left you.

Funny you should mention that. Now that the possibility that studying in the US is more likely (since there's no pressing reason for me to be in London for an extended time), the option of studying to become a teacher is more and more likely. I'd pretty much dismissed it offhand before, since I doubt that a teaching certificate from the UK would be as respected in the US.

Of course, spending two years in the US studying to be a teacher, and then another n years teaching runs counter to my desire to get the hell out of this country for a while.

Honestly, my main reason that I wanted to master in International (Studies/Affairs/Communication) was because I love to travel and wanted to work in a foreign country if possible. But if I play my cards right as a teacher, I should have a couple of months each summer to travel. Obviously, summer is generally considered the worst time to visit any place, but so it goes. My only problem with becoming a teacher is it feels like "settling" in some way -- choosing a relatively safe, relatively unexciting career.

In an ideal world, someone would come up to me and say, "Here! This is what you're supposed to be doing in your life!" and that would be that. I'm sure there's the perfect job for me, but I just don't know enough about the jobs that are out there.

Basically, my main skills are a good ability to communicate and explain complicated information to others, to collect and organize how information relates, to do rapid problem solving, fairly quick to pick up a language, artistically creative (although lousy at drawing), pretty good with writing, strong intuitive abilities and an ease in understanding very different people and their positions. My drawbacks: a total lack of organizational skills; generally 5-15 minutes late to everything; although good at starting projects, bad at maintaining or completing them; a tendency to get sidetracked unless deeply involved in an activity. So, yeah, I have ADD. Also my current work experience is pretty much exclusively working as a web developer and programmer for the past 7 years, so it would have to be a job that's open to training the people that come on (or doesn't require reams of experience, just skill).

Can anyone think of a job that encompasses the skills above?

In Response to Deathalicious (#23717):

Advertising.

In Response to Deathalicious (#23717):

Hmm...can't think of a career track that jumps up and screams "Pick me!"

However, if you've been looking to travel for a short while and are interested in teaching. You might want to look into one of the programs that arranges for you to teach English in a different country. A friend of mine did that in China, they took a liking to her, and now she's head of the school and writes for a local magazine.

Now, her case may not be typical, but if you're really looking for a new experience and like the idea of educating, this could be a good intermediate plan.

It's not a lifelong commitment, looks good on a resume, opportunity to explore a different culture, etc.

Anyway, just thought I'd throw that out there. Good luck and happy holidays.

In Response to Deathalicious (#23717):

Can anyone think of a job that encompasses the skills above?

Boy, you're quite the Renaissance Man [imdb.com].

In Response to Deathalicious (#23717):

--choosing a relatively safe, relatively unexciting career.

I'm sure there are plenty of teachers out there who would disagree with you. I am of the opinion that teaching is what you make of it, like any career. There are many people that feel that teaching can be one of the most rewarding occupations.

In Response to stilllwaiting (#23719):

Huh. Whaddya know.

One of the very things I was thinking of doing was teaching in China.

The only problem is that teaching English in China is an exercise in making a very tiny salary. Granted, expenses in China are relatively low, but the average salary for teaching English in China is a little under $500. Even with my current paltry salary, I can *save* that much if I'm frugal. I've heard that the pay in S. Korea is much better; not sure whether I want to live there, though.

Thanks for the suggestion.

In Response to snipergirl (#23718):

Unfortunately, I'm far to honest for a career in advertising, I think. :-)

I suppose I could always give it a shot.

In any case, I am sure you will all be
relieved/horrifed
to hear that I am meeting with a professional career counselor in a week or so. I'm sure she's going to steer me in
the right direction/the career path she's bitter that she never followed
.

I'm sure to have
success/failure
!

The career that best suits you is: Delivery boy.

I'm assuming you're not talking annual salary there... $1.40 a day seems like a pretty weak deal.

I just put in my application for the study abroad program at the University of East Anglia. I'll be sure to watch out for those Brits while I'm over there though.

Best of luck mate!