--Laura Valentine
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Title: Potent Pantied Ass
Disclaimer: Paramount/Viacom owns Star Trek.
This story includes deliberate cliches and a horrible plotline. Trust me, it's necessary to the artistic integrity of the story.

"He has loosed the fateful mojo
of his potent pantied ass.
His truth is marching on."
     -- Drew Johnson, "The Battle Goat of the Republic"

Sulu stared across the table at his friend. "You have what?"

Chekov grinned. "Panties of potency."

"Pavel, you're nuts."

"No, I swear! A leetle goat gave them to me."

"You had too much to drink on shore leave, I think. Goats don't go around giving people panties."

"This one does.

"I don't believe you."

"Watch them work! I'll go put them on." Chekov stood up and sauntered out of the room. Sulu watched him go, shaking his head in disbelief.

A few minutes later, Chekov came back in. Sonya Lee, a female ensign from Life Sciences, had attached herself to his arm like a massive lamprey. "Please," she said. "I know you'd have fun. Don't you want me?"

"Later, my dear. The whole evening is ahead of us!"

The young woman pouted, but when Chekov sat down across from Sulu and began to ignore her, she drifted away in search of more interesting company.

"What was that all about?"

"The panties are working. Did you see how much she wanted me?"

"Oh, come on. She's just lonely. I mean--hi, Lieutenant Patel."

The tall redhead smiled at Sulu, but quickly turned her attention to Chekov. "Hi. Ensign, I think I got a bugbite on my leg on shore leave yesterday. Could you feel and see if there's anything there?" She pointed to a spot high up on the back of her thigh.

Sulu goggled as Chekov casually fondled the lieutenant's thigh. He goggled even more as she wiggled in pleasure and tried to sit in the younger man's lap.

"No, no," Chekov said. "All the other ladies want a turn!" Lieutenant Patel departed, but not before offering her behind for a gentle swat, which Chekov obligingly bestowed.

"How much are you paying them?"

"Nothing! It's the panties. I've never met Lieutenant Patel before."

"Riiiiight."

"I swear!"

"You are so full of it!"

A bevy of bewigged beauties appeared at Chekov's shoulder. "Ensign Chekov?" they chorused.

He turned and smiled at them. "Yes, lovely ones?"

One of them, a leggy woman with blue skin and red eyes, had apparently been appointed spokesalien. "We've...talked it over with Lieutenant Patel and Ensign Lee, and we all agree."

"Agree about what?"

"You're the most virile man we've ever seen. We thought the captain was virile, but you're way better. Will you have sex with us?"

"All of you?"

"All of us."

Chekov flashed a grin over his shoulder at Sulu. "Well, ladies, I don't see why not. As long as you don't laugh at my panties."

"A man like you can wear whatever panties he wants! Please!"

He stood and gallantly offered her his arm, and they departed, trailing ten other women behind.

"I'll be damned," Sulu said, staring after them.

"Hey," said a voice near his knee. "Want a pair of panties?"

He looked down, and saw a goat standing there, his rear encased in a pair of polka-dot panties.

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The End