A. So-Here-It-All-Is-In-Beautiful-Post-CGI-Form

Of course, you don't see the underpinings of this little FAQ. But Phillip did a
kickass job of making a database backend for this thing.

But here it is - everything and anything that you'd want to know about Goats:
The Comic Strip. From the origin of the Goats: the Comic Strip to
Evil Jon's bra size. If you have questions you'd like to ask,
please send them to (now defunct) drew @ goats.com]. If they're
useful/interesting/amusing/disgusting enough, I'll add them to the next
version.

     B. Acknowledgements-To-Everyone-I-Think-Of Section.

This couldn't have been written without the contributions of:
Goats: The Mailing List (goats-fans@yahoogroups.com - in particular:
                          Sheryl Stoller - elisefru @ hotmail.com)
Goats: The Quieter Mailing List (goats-comic@yahoogroups.com
Goats: The Franchise (http://www.goats.com/)
Goats: The Carleton College Fans (Adventures in Geekdom -> Topic 5)
Goats: The Gratuitous self-referentiating Reference
Goats: The Extraneous Bands of Fools (Melm and the It's-All-About gaming group)
Goats: The Guy from The Twin Cities' Wife (Sherry Johnson)

And of course, jon, Phillip, Lynda, Siobain, Stephanie, Jerrell, and Lori.
And Tommy, without whom the Pub would not exist.

     C: Final-Thanks-Cuz-He's-O-So-Humble section.

So thanks.

-Drew Johnson

Q: When did Goats get started?
A: April 1, 1997. The basic story of its origin was that Phillip, while in his cups, suggested to jon that he should write a comic strip. jon agreed.

Yup, that's all there is to the story.

Q: Goats: The comic Strip has several character types that seem to come up again and again in the greater Western mythology of folk heroes/demigods. Is jon trying to use Campbellian mythos concepts to map his characters out onto the larger psyche vis a vis archetypes?
A: Well, let's see. Let's look at the main characters of not only Goats, but also of Sluggy Freelance and User Friendly, two other major geek comics.

Jon -> Torg -> Mike -> The Sweet, Affable Everyman Loser/Hero
Phillip -> Riff -> Pitr -> The Tinker/Sorcerer
Toothgnip -> Kiki -> Dust Puppy -> the Self-absorbed Sidekick
Diablo -> Bun-Bun -> Erwin -> The Trickster
Suzi -> Zoe -> Miranda -> The Unattainable Female

It seems to work at some level.
However, a better mapping can be made from Goats to a more current group (besides, Lori is no longer an active part of the cast...).
Times change and Goats changes with it.

Jon -> Iron Chef French
Phillip -> Iron Chef Chinese
Toothgnip -> Iron Chef Japanese
Diablo -> Iron Chef Chinese
Megan -> Chairman Kaga

This mapping obviously makes jon's true intents much more openly available to the general population. Allez cuisine!

Q: Where did Diablo come from?
A: Well, we simply know that he had wacky adventures with Shazam Twix, which ended up with Diablo getting married to Shazam.

Or something.

Q: How about Toothgnip?
A: See The story of the Panties of Potency in the archives - 6/21/98 to 6/28/98.

Q: What do Jon and Phillip do, anyway?
A: Supposedly, they are semi-productive IT-types.

Q: What's with Toothgnip's name?
A: Goes back to Norse mythology. Thor's goats had names like Toothgnasher and Toothgrinder. Toothgnip was...not quite in their league.

Q: For some reason, I have a deep overwhelming need to know Evil Jon's bra size.
A: 33AAA. Glad to help.

Q: So if I was to get to third base with Jon, what color would the base be?
A: Umm. It'd be box-shaped and pink as a flamingo. Next question.

Q: In the 8/31/97 cartoon</A>, Jon asks Phillip, "You named [the aliens] Neil and Bob?" Is there something that I'm missing?
A: Read the names quickly. It's a phrase. It's vulgar. Figure it out. Be offended.

Q: Who is the rodent fetishist of the two aliens?
A: While both aren't above taking a trip to the pet store for a date, Bob is the one who generally goes on about his 'sweet, sweet Fluffy'.

Q: I have a hard time telling the difference between Neil and Bob.
A: So does everyone. What do you want, shirts with big 'N's and 'B's imprinted on them?

Q: How many times has Diablo been decapitated?
A: At last count, I think we're at seven. I'll leave it as an exercise for the reader to find them all.

Q: What's that thing around Phillip's neck in the earlier comics?
A: A strange deformity caused by the drinking of Bud Light late at night when he was 13 (kids, take this as a warning. Only drink hand-crafted homebrews when you irresponsibly drink underage. Your body will thank you later.)

Seriously, it's a necklace in the shape of Mjolnir. As in Thor's hammer. You know, Thor. The Norse god of Thunder ("Binky" to his drinking chums). According to the old tales, Mjolnir would get bigger if you rubbed it and would fly back to his hand upon use. We'll leave your imagination to fly from that point.

Q: I've spent weeks, nay, months trying to figure out that horrible Ringo Starr joke from November of 1997. I just don't get it. Can you explain it to me?
A: No.

Q: Bastard. You don't know the answer either.
A: Well, not until I asked jon. Here's the answer.

Jon the character, Nov 6, 1998:
'Maybe the Ringo stole your clay bee.'
From _A Cry in the Dark_ with Meryl Streep:
'Maybe the dingo stole your baby.'

Yeah. I didn't get it either.

Q: How many women has Toothgnip shagged?
A: Considering that the Panties of Potency make any woman swoon (or more appropriately, want to get into what's inside them), this number may in fact be in the thousands.

Q: What is Diablo's relation to Satan?
A: Diablo is Satan's nephew and poker buddy.

Q: What has Phillip created or invented?
A: The Pudding Hut (and resulting Pudding Transfer Protocol) and the la-z-boy 2000. He's reassembled a lemon. He invented a portable steak griller. And the idea for moistnap.com. Yes, he truly is a genius. A genius who is not above stealing.

Q: So where's that one with Jesus' Peanut Butter Cups? I've someone who I want to offend by putting it on their cubicle wall/dorm room door/corporate webpage.
A: Ah. Excellent choice. Only the rodent buggery strips offend more people. But for good, straightforward offensiveness, nothing beats the comic of March 13, 1998.

Q: Jerrell is the most godawful character in Goats! Get rid of him!
A: Strangely, he seems to actually have a bit of a following. There also seems to be a number of people who'd like to crush his head like a melon. Jerrell remains blissfully ignorant.

Q: Harkonnen? Spice? Worms? Huh?
A: That whole series is essentially jon waggling his geek testicles (I know, pretty thought). It's a reference to Frank Herbert's Dune series.

Q: Recently, I picked up a number of babies for beer handling in my apartment. Unfortunately, the duct tape doesn't hold very well. How did Diablo do it?
A: The duct tape is there just for show. In fact, Diablo also used clear packing tape to hold the weight. The best thing to do is to coat the diaper with the tape first, then to add the lateral strands to the wall, then add more tape to the diaper. Then cover the whole thing with duct tape.

Q: Why do the children have no noses?
A: Children have no noses until puberty. Everyone knows this.

Q: I want to drink just like the freaks in Goats. What are they drinking in the strip so that I can strictly conform to my heroes like the mindless slave I am?
A:
-Jon: IPA
-Phillip: hefeweizen (Weihenstephaner, most likely)
-Toothgnip: a cocktail, presumably a vodka martini
-Diablo: Louie's Evil Lager, one would think
-Lori: AB negative

Q: What lessons have we learned?
A:
-"All supermodels must sleep with Bob."
-"The accordian is not an aphrodisiac."
-"Don't piss off Norse gods. They give you cool stuff."
-"Don't be cute. Be evil."
-"Beer will never go on a business trip."
-"Judd Nelson will never win an Emmy."
-"Monetary gifts to FAQ writers make you sexually attractive."
-"Beer conquers all."
-"Group sex can be fun."
-"A joke can become tired and lame after only four consecutive uses."
-"Garfield is insanely funny."
-"No matter what the dimension, evil or good, Brooke Shields is a talentless, useless, vapid waste of skin."

Soon to be included in the new wall poster, "Everything I needed to know I learned from Jerrell."

Q: Little Johnny asks:
Is Diablo a demon?
Does Diablo have a last name?
Did Diablo make an appearance in "Monkey Island 3" as "El Pollo Diablo? If Diablo was in "Monkey Island 3"?
Can he get me Gary Coleman's autograph?
How do I get an autographed picture of Diablo?

(Little Johnny asked a lot of questions.)
A: He's a chicken. Specifically, he is a rooster.

Of course Diablo has a last name. It is Smith. Diablo Smith.

Little Johnny is terribly inconsiderate in not translating "El Pollo Diablo". Bad,
bad Johnny! Boys and girls, El Pollo Diablo can loosely translated as "The Devil Chicken".
Once again, Johnny, you will note that Diablo is a chicken. As for his appearance, Diablo is
remarkably quiet about this part of his life.

He can, but he won't. You suck.

It involves little ears of corn and an ability to dance like a monkey.

Q: so, what ever happened to the girl that turned into the zombie? i believe her
name was laura.

A: It seems that Laura, Lori's little-mentioned sister, went off to seek her
fortune in Madison, WI, where she is a very promising software engineer that
wants to jump James Marstars' bones. I guess it can happen when your own
sister falls to the forces of evil.

Q: Does Evil Jon ever actually appear in a strip? I've been looking, but can't
find him.

A: Yup. He's all over the place.

Q: Can we see Megan's boobies?
A: What? You missed that one? Well, go back and look for it.

Q: Is Megan insane or stupid?
A: Yes, yes, and yes.

Q: Will Neil and Bob ever commit to their relationship?

A: Sure. I see a bright future for these two - a bright shining future.

No, wait. That's just Neil's ass.

Q: What's Diablo's phone number? I would SOOOO do him if he was girl chicken!!!

A: 202-456-1414. Ask for Dubya - Diablo likes to be called that.

Q: How exactly did the babies get taken off the ceiling?
A: Potato guns filled with flaming Tickle-Me-Elmos did the trick nicely.

Q: Does the Geek Patrol have its own car or do they have to use public transport?

A: Neither - they use the Babyvator 3200, a two-seat ATV that moves under the power of Bojangles Red Beans-eating babies.

Kids love Bojangles.

Q: Can a fish really survive in beer?
A: Yes. They survive best in English ales, but a porter does in a pinch.

Q: Is Megan real, or an alien? This was never satisfactorily explained, or I
missed it while high on candy corn.
A: Step-daughter of Xenu, cousin once removed of Malcalypse the Younger.

And the candy corn? It only leads to sorrow, dude.

Q: How much is it to rent Diablo for a night of strenuous work as an artificial insemination donor?
A: Send mail to Diablo. He'll send you his rates.

What, you think you're the first person to get in on the lucrative Satanic Chicken sperm market?

Q: Will Phillip be my love monkey? And wear a skirt? PLEASE?
A: Umm. You'd have to ask Lauren. She might be rather keen on that, actually...wives are funny that way.

Q: Will Megan be my love monkey? And wear a tight leather straps and a
fake elephant nose? PLEASE?

A: You, sir, have been working on your kegel exercises far too well.

Q: Why did you kill Lori? We loved Lori!


A: So did the zombie. He loved her for her mind. Or loved that she had a mind. Or...

Oh, undead relationships are so confusing.

Q: When is Toothgnip gonna nail Megan?
A: He fears her Leaping Piranha.

Interesting note about the Panties - apparently Norse magickal lingerie and the 'ancient sex secrets of the Orient' don't mix well.

Q: Does diablo worship satan, or is he just satanic? He seems more palsy with satan, and I would like some clarification.

A: What's more evil, a Black Mass, or a chicken in lingerie?

Next question.

Q: In the strip on August 31, 1997, Neil (or Bob?) mention their navigator, "Dances With Lemurs", but he's never appeared in the strip. Where is he/she/it?
A: Dances with Lemurs had an unfortunate accident while Bob and Sex Dwarf were playing "Imelda Marcos in Chains". Let's just say that it involved Manolo Blahnik pumps, some belly chains, and a lot of bad images that keep this writer up nights.

Q: If diablo can't control the minds of jon and Phillip, how does he expect control the rest of the world's?
A: Diablo tends to think in the long term. Stalin's Five-Year Plan (tm) is nothing compared to the long-term scheming of everyone's favorite cock.

Q: What deep seated freudian messages do the characters the Sex Dwarf and
Evil jon illustrate to the world?
A: The Sex Dwarf obviously represents the id, hidden deep within jon, that occasionally leaves our favorite cartoonist suddenly waking up in leather chaps and concrete dust all over his unmentionables.

Evil jon, that far too-meta-for-his-own-good supervillain, can only be explained as jon's overdeveloped superego.

Q: What underlying messages do you guys splice into goats in order to brainwash us to keep coming back, and back, and back, and back..?

A: There are absolutely no truth to the rumors that we add special messages into each comic. You're fnord being paranoid.

The Computer is Your Friend. There's no need to fear it. It loves you.

Q: Will an undead Lori ever come back and battle Megan to the death!?!??

A: Err...hate to tell you this, sport, but Lori's well past that already...what part of 'zombie' don't you understand?

Q: What does Megan see in jon? He's the single biggest loser and yet he gets a girl and here I am single.
A: It <b>might</b> have something to do with the "I grok Spock" t-shirt you're wearing. Oh, and by the way? The user that you've been e-dating with the call sign "SuperModelFurryChyck124"? I have some bad news about her as well...

Q: Clearly, Jon and Philip have been (or, these days, were) roommates for a considerable period of time. We know that they were both at Cornell--but what were the exact circumstances of their meeting?
A: It's a long story that involves equal parts luck, narcolepsy, Scandanavian triplets, and Hot Truck.

Q: If Diablo is a satanist, and Toothgnip is a goat, when are we gonne see Diablo chasing the goat around trying to sacrifice him??

C'mon, do the math!!

A: Two words: sweeps week.

Q: Why no Ninjas?
A: Fool! We have Scott Baio.

Q: Where can I get panties of potency? (i could become a viking if need be)

A: Well, it just so happens that I'm running a bit of a cottage industry...

Q: Where do the characters go when not in the strip?
A: They generally sit around the pub, watching old F-Troop reruns.

Q: Would Diablo direct a sceenplay penned by Quentin Tarantino if Mr. Tarantino was not able to direct?

A: Not evil enough. Now, Bruckheimer...that's another matter.

Q: Why no hot lesbian action yet? (and if you need, i could get my girlfriend and we could help with any inspiration...)

A: I'll have to ask jon about this one. I'm sure if you send him your phone number, he'll get in touch with you.

Q: Does Toothgnip keep in touch with his family back in the north? (Does the thunder god miss him?)
A: Toothgnip had a tearful falling out with Toothgnasher. Luckily, the cast of _Boned in 60 Seconds II: Car Talk_ had just been fired and apparently needed a great deal of consoling or something. jon wasn't too specific about the whole thing - he just mumbled something about a woman with huge freakin' lips and a nutlock on Billy Bob Thornton walking past him in the hallway one night.

Q: So, Howard. Why hasn't he been eaten yet?
A: Apparently, sentience ruins the flavor.

Q: Those pudding cups. Y'know, the ones in Altered States (of Pudding). I know how much trouble they caused, but where can i get some? they looked extra yummy.
A: Well, I just so happen to be running a cottage industry....

Q: So what actually happened between Jon and Vanessa in the series "All
Work and No Play"???

A: Think <b>12 Monkeys</b>, but with a less-attractive Brad Pitt.

Q: Where is the Peculier Pub?
A: (from jon) "NW corner of bleecker and laguardia, manhattan, a handful of blocks south of washington square park."

Q: When I make the mecca to the Peculier Pub, what should I order?
A: First of all, it's a hajj, not a mecca. Foolish non-Muslim Goats fan.

The question is not what to order, but how to order it. Be sure to dress up as your favorite Goats character and to bellow your order at the top of your lungs, followed by 'wench!' For example, "Bring me Newcastle Brown, wench!" This will make certain that you never drink there again and thus your pilgrimage will be a once-in-a-lifetime experience. And remember the wisdom of Jay and Howie G - order some o-so-smooth Busch Light Draft.

Q: Does the Pub still inspire as it once did, or have you drifted from the pub?
And where?
A: Now you're just talkin' crazy...

Q: Are the birthdays on the Goats page real?
A: Yup. Celebrate the birthdays with monetary gifts. Ben Franklin bills are just another way of saying that you care.

Q: Besides Lynda, Lori, Phillip, and jon do any other characters have direct counterparts?
A: Obviously, Scott Baio (though Mr Baio is much more obsessed with bodily functions than the one that Goats portrays) and Brooke Shields. Other than that, not really.

At least, you wouldn't think so. However, despite the fact that Jerrell acts like the Muppets' Beaker after ritual satanic abuse (that'll show up great on the search engines..), he is quite real. Yes, you read that right. Jerrell is real.scary, but true.

Actually, Jay is real too. Toph and many of the rest of the college alums are real as well. Megan <b>isn't</b> real. Cheryl is sorta real (there's a Cheryl, but she doesn't look like that). Pretty much any woman jon has dated in the strip is based on someone real. Tommy is real. Biff is a hybrid between jon's brother and his friend Emily's brother.

Q: Is it me, or is the artwork in Goats derivative of Bloom County?
A: jon has mentioned his admiration for the work of Berke Breathed several times in the goats-fans mailing list. Derivative? Maybe a little. However, there is no truth to the rumor that Jon and Phillip are, in fact, Binkley and Milo in a witness protection program.

Q: I want to go to a costume party as one of the Geek Patrol. What do I need?
A: Wow. A geek going as a fictional geek imitating a geeky superhero as drawn by a geek. I want pictures. Anyway, here's what you need.

For Jon (aka Patheticus):
-Goggles
-Football pads for chest
-White work shirt
-Thin Black Tie (or thicker, if you're copying jon in the readme picture of 12/98)
-Black wrist guards
-Knee pads (hockey shin guards in real life)
-Lots of hair gel to get the hair right
-AOL CD-ROMS

For Phillip (aka Captain Brunch):
-Propeller Beanie
-Blanket tied around neck
-Snow blindness strip glasses
-T-Shirt
-Leopardskin Briefs or Panties
-Belt w/fried egg belt buckle
-The Spam armor (six hollowed cans of spam connected together, protecting each arm of Cap'n Brunch)
-Spam. Lots of spam.

And don't forget to banter with your opposite number about who's the sidekick.

Q: Where does jon get his ideas?
A: There is a supernatural geographic location beneath the apartment complex that jon and Phillip live in called the DorkMouth. All of jon's inspiration comes directly from there. And the picture of a scantily-clad Linus Torvalds.

Q: Why is 'jon' spelled all in small-case letters on the website and FAQ?
A: Damned if I know.

Q: What is www.smartmoney.com and www.theglobe.com?
A: 'SPELL D-A-Y J-O-B-S'.

Q: So why isn't Goats syndicated?
A: jon enjoys poverty and rejection.

Q: Phillip is a great artist! Where did he get that unique style of his?
A: Ever see those Family Circus strips where Billy sits in for Bill Keane? Phillip has a full collection.

Q: Where did Phillip get that Viking helmet in the readme files?
A: A friend of his girlfriend from the SCA (Society for Creative Anachronism) made it for him. Pretty, no?

Q: What's an IPA?
A: India Pale Ale. In general, a rather hopsy ale that tends - on average - to be a bit more bitter than your 'normal' beer. Fans of the taste of hops tend to like it.

Q: What's a hefeweizen?
A: A wheat beer. A very, very tasty wheat beer. Often drunk with a lemon slice. Different people do different things with the lemon. And they're all ok. Some people do not drink it with a lemon slice. They are either from the Old World, or prigs.

Q: What's Weihenstephaner?
A: Many believe (particularly Goats fans who aren't _quite_ in the know) it to simply be a brand of hefeweizen. In fact, it's one of the oldest breweries in the world.

Q: Is jon really as pathetic as he sounds like in the comic strip?
A: Depends on the week.

Q: What is Lori's address?
A: (now defunct) lori @ goats.com. If there's another one, she'll let you know.

Q: No, I mean her real address.
A: Err. She lives in New York City. What more do you want to know?

Q: What's her last name?
A: She's a cartoon character, Mister. Get over it and go back to the pornographic gifs of Yakko and Dot sitting on your hard drive.

Q: Bra size?
A: Ok, kids. One more word and we're turning this car around...

Q: Is Lori really as nasty in real life as in the strip?
A: Well, according to one source (Dino of www.dinomentia.com), she is 'sweet and cuddly'. Take that as you will.

Q: So, whatever happened with that 3-d thing that jon went on about?
A: The original work had to get scrapped, but jon was working with one of jon and Phillip's old college friends to make it happen in 2000. The status report from jon on the project is:

"We've far surpassed the amount of work that was done by that [other] lameass guy; the models for all the characters are in the final stages. should be ready first or second quarter of '00."

You may have noticed that 2000 came and went with no 3-d version. Sad to say, the project is still in development (aka "Mmmph. Drinking.")

Q: When does Goats get updated?
A: Whenever jon makes a new one. In general, the strip updates around midnight on sunday night through thursday night, dated for the next day.

Q: Is there going to be a Goats Trivia Board game?
A: Why, yes there is. 3000 questions - the categories are Scott Baio, Pebbles,
Chess Openings of the late 19th Century, Pudding, and Bob's Lower Anatomy.

Which is what happens when all the 'B list' of characters get jon drunk.

Q: Why is my brain full of hot cheese, garlic, and pepperoni?
A: Shaking the Magic 8-Ball, I'd have to say that you free-based Hot Truck
PMPs as a student at Cornell.

Q: Do any of the humans affiliated with Goats actually own any goats, nature's
most wonderful grass-munching quadruped?

A: Yeah, sure. Unless you mean in real life. In that case, no.

Q: Why the fascination with beer? I mean, really, what's the big deal?

A: What? Oh, I'm sorry. I was drinking.

Q: I said, why the fascination with beer? I mean, really, what's the big deal?

A: What? Oh, I apologize. You know, this Rogue Ale is really good.

Q: I <b>said</b>, why the fascination with beer? I mean, really, what's the big deal?

A: Actually, I like this Trappist Ale in my right hand better...

Which is to say, there are more important things to do than answer this
question.

Mmm. Duff Bock.

Q: What's with your animal fixation, you bestiality nut?
A: It's only bestiality when you're doing it with something not of your specie...

Oh wait. That's right. Toothgnip's not human. Hrmm. Good question.

Q: Are you God, or did he just impart his creative talent to you?
A: No to both counts. Jon Rosenberg's talent comes from drinking the warm,
musky, heart blood of Illiad.

Q: Whatever happened to the real Lori?
A: Lori went to the land where Barmaids are Eternally Blessed.

No, that's not Panama City Beach...Suffice to say, she no longer works at the Pub and hence is not an active part of the Process of Inspiration.

Q: Can you explain to me what makes old people want to move to Phoenix, Arizona to die? You would think that most humans would want a comfortable end of their life, not a life surrounded by mexican ghettos, whores, heatstroke, strip clubs, and a general college party attitude that never goes away.
A: That, little Matthew, is a great question. It's a question with insight and a real understanding of this fucked up world.

It's the Sunday on Central festival. Did you know that - as of March 2002, Sunday on Central was in its eleventh straight year of providing wholesome, unique, multi-cultural entertainment to the people of Phoenix, AZ? Admission is free.

Q: Will Al Pacino REALLY be playing jon in "Goats : the Movie"?


A: That kind of fell through. We're really looking more at Dustin "Screech" Diamond. Or Morgan Freeman. It's really something of a toss-up.

Q: How do jon & Phillip get any money?
A: You ever wonder if Harry Knowles gets any sweet lovin'?

Well, now you know.

Q: Is there actually a <b>Buffy's Big Adventure</b>? Can I get a copy?

A: You see, I'm all about you guys. It's not for just anyone that I'd actually attempt to find this.

At this time, no - there is no "Buffy's Big Adventure" at the story repository known as The Alt.Sex.Stories Text Repository. However, for those of you who are actually following the links, here's the closest I could find...

Knock yourself out.

Q: So, I'm in munich, and whats the first thing that pops into my head when I get here? "I should find the Weihenstephaner brewery". Not 'I want to see Neuschwanstein' or 'where's my luggage?' So, Phillip, does that Amazon donation account take shipments of beer? And what else is there to do?

A: From Phillip:

<i>no...those should go directly to my liver.


Weihenstephaner is in Freising, it's quite a ride to get out there on the subway...I think there's a "real" train that can get out there faster....also, once you're there the signs/directions to the brewery suck. If your "beer-sense" is less developed than mine, you may not find it.
</i>

Q: How many people read Goats per day?
A: It really differs. On a day in which a new comic is posted, there's usually several thousand who read it. It tapers off a bit on Tuesday, Thursday, and the weekend.

Q: The Internet must be free! Why does jon insist on having ads? Why does he ask for donations?
A: Because money is good. It makes things work. Like the Goats site. The more money that jon and Phillip generate through ads and other sources, the less they have to put up out of their own pocket. So, if you click on those ads, you continue to be able to get the comic without bankrupting jon and Phillip. And buy their stuff, too.

Q: How much does it cost to run on a monthly basis?
A: More than you think. Click that ad there. Think an T1 (~$750/month alone for the bandwidth), several domains, and hardware considerations. All told, a metric shitload/month.

Q: When will the Moistnap chat room open?
A: Be Patient. Be very, very patient.

Q: Do you mean that the whole moistnap.com thing is real?
A: http://www.moistnap.com. Read it and weep.

While you're at it, check out http://www.brains4zombies.com and http://www.stoolfairy.com.

Q: When is my moistnap.com delivery going to get here?
A: Eventually. You did fill out the form properly, right?

Q: Does jon read the goats-fans mailing list?
A: He used to. Occasionally, other people still keep him current.

Q: How do I get something into the Features page?
A: Make something amusing. Send it to features. Win cash prizes.

Q: Is there a plan for a Goats book?
A: Behold The Power Of Ignorance -- Goats: Volume IV came out in late 2001. My copy is sitting prominently between <b>COMMUNISM: Menace to Freedom</b> and <b>The Lazlo Letters</b>. Where does it sit on your shelf?

Q: Will there ever be another Goats Radio Drama. I have kittens on my desktop so I can listen to it whenever I want and I would love to here such classic comics as Ceiling Babies and Accordion Players or Altered States (of pudding) in the grand tradition of radio drama.

A: It is likely that there will not be, unless another troupe of radio types want to stage it. <b>Kittens = Poptarts</b> was made by a bunch of college students, and I believe the class that they did it for is long over.

Q: What resources are available on the Internet concerning Goats?
A: -E-mail:
jon
Straight from the mouth of the creator. He answers e-mail. he even posts some of it.

goats-fans@yahoogroups.com
Go to the goats-fans site and add your name to the mindless throng that is the goats-fans mailing list. Discussions of men, women, beer, and occasionally even the comic strip ensue. Also a decent place to get early information about the site and strip. Currently, there are over 270 people on the list.

goats-comic@yahoogroups.com
Go to the goats-fans site and add your name to <b>this</b> throng that is the goats-comic mailing list. This is where jon and Phillip lurk the most. Also a decent place to get early information about the site and strip. Discussion is kept to the comic strip mainly by the good wishes of its moderators. Currently, there are almost 300 people on the list.

-IRC:
#goats.com on EFnet
#goats.com on Undernet
#goats on Undernet
Take your pick or read all three.

-WWW:
http://www.goats.com/
Goats: the Site

Q: What in god's name is a beefnut?
A: Beefnut.com should answer all of your questions. If not, shake and ask again.