Jon

Jon was kidnapped by Oliver from his ordinary, comfortable existence in Manhattan 3 and deposited in the Pub Stub to live out the rest of his days. After five exhausting years of bar snacks and last call, he was kidnapped yet again, flung out into the darkest corners of existence. Will Jon ever return home to his sweetheart Megan? Or will he be seduced by the allure of the wider Multiverse?

Phillip

Phillip is a programmer from Manhattan 3. Married to Lauren, his interests include beer and additional beer. Since the Universe is actually a program running on Woody Allen's laptop, Phillip's programming abilities are desperately sought after by various factions including the Middle Pangaeans, the people of Topeka Prime, and Fineas.

Fineas

Once an innocent goldfish living in a mug of beer, Fineas has been transformed into a powerful immortal cyborg programmed with an impressive variety of combat skills and the scientific prowess and HTML skills of Stephen Hawking. His organic and artificial personalities have made an unsteady peace with each other as they work together to save the Universe from its inevitable demise.

Diablo

A lasped Satanist and a lover of chaos, Diablo's dabblings with the occult have put him in contact with some pretty shady characters. Although his ultimate motivations are unclear, he has teamed up with Fineas to help fix the bug-riddled Universe and to defend it from the predations of his overly ambitions son, Oliver.

Oliver

Oliver was ostensibly fathered by Diablo, but recent events suggest that his birth may owe more to the meddling of Gus and Steve, two assistant editors assigned to shape the events and inhabitants of Manhattan 3. Their attempt to spice up the dimension of origin for our heroes has resulted in a trash-talking, growth-stunted Machiavelli whose cruelty is only outclassed by his ambition to rule the Universe.

Toothgnip

Toothgnip, one of Thor's chariot-pulling goats, found his way into Jon and Phillip's lives many years ago. His Panties of Potency gave him the ability to pick up cheap women in bars. He amused himself by giving bad advice to Fish. Life was good.

It did not remain that way, however. Fineas burned the Panties of Potency in retribution for all the times that Toothgnip had mislead him. Enraged, Toothgnip recruited the assistance of Neil and Bob to help him seek his revenge. When he finally confronted Fineas, Oliver set Toothgnip on fire with one of the demonic matches given to them by One Death.

Scarred by the demon flame, Toothgnip wants only to find the matchbox, for reasons known only to himself. The demonic posession has left him with eerie powers, although the total extent of Toothgnip's transformation is currently unknown.

Neil and Bob

Neil and Bob came to Earth for reasons that even they have forgotten. Directionless, they have turned to a hedonistic life of violence, drunkenness and sexual debauchery of every flavor imaginable. After Fineas and Oliver stole the KPT Singularity, the source of power for their light-speed spaceship engine, Neil and Bob teamed up with Toothgnip to retrieve it. Toothgnip's bizarre transformation has left them under his sway with no indication that he has any interest in pursuing their agenda.

Carl

Carl, formerly one of Khan Junior's biker buddies, has been recruited by Oliver to serve as his henchman. His duties include beating things up and looking stern. Little is known of his background.

Roger

Roger, Carl's oldest friend and one of Khan Junior's biker gang before Oliver persuaded him to follow along on his quest to dominate all of existence, likes to eat. He is seldomly seen without his oversized mirrored sunglasses; it is rumored that the glasses once belonged to Dennis Hopper.